I'm Looking Through You // Mclennon

wonder

It wasn't too long before I heard a knock at my hotel room door. John has always been a persistent little bastard and stubborn as all Hell;
that's one thing that hasn't changed since Yoko came into his life.

Though, I was still very cautious before opening that door. Can you really blame me? ...I mean, just imagine it for yourself! Can't trust the bloke as far as I can throw 'im.

I walked very slowly towards the door and peeked through the tiny peep-hole to see a nervous John stood there all by himself. Don't know how he convinced Yoko to let him do this, she's usually attached at his hip 24/7.

The door opened, making no sound at all as it did, and John looked up at me, holding my suitcase and all that next to his side.

I awkwardly grabbed the bags from him and set them next to me inside of the room before I began to shut the door. At this point, we hadn't spoken a word to eachother at all.

John suddenly stopped the door with his foot, "...May I come in?" He asked under his breath.

I mean, I could barely make out a thing he said. If I wasn't staring at his lips, I wouldn't have even known he spoke a word at all.

"...After all that? Now, tell me why the Hell I should let ye-"

"We've got a lot to discuss, Macca." John replied immediately, interrupting me. "Please."

"...Whateva' ye wanna do is... fine wi' me, alright?" I replied, attempting to sound uninterested in the man's proposal to see me. "It's yer life, John, not mine. ...What do ye need my approval for?"

When the door shut behind him, John whipped his body around and quickly wrapped his arms around my torso. This took me by total surprise. He gripped tightly at me, like he was afraid I'd leave him there.
Alone.
Ofcourse, I wanted to shove him off and tell him to go fuck himself, but I genuinely couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to doing it. I enjoyed this far too much. I hugged the boy back even tighter.

John's tears soon began to drip onto my shoulder as he wept beneath my arms. I never really see John cry unless something's truly bothering him; eating at his mind. He wasn't crying as hard as I did earlier, but it was shocking nonetheless.

"I'm sorry abou' what happened last night... Where do I even begin..? I was jus so bloody shell-shocked by the fact that Yoko was even there in the first place... without much warning and I felt like I had to kick ye out. I'm sorry I've been a right dickhead to ye and treatin' ye like utter crap, but I can't help it! I-" He started going on and on, sweat beading on his forehead. His anxiety was through the roof and it was clear to me.

"It's- It's alright, John... I'm jus glad yer here, now. I agree, we've got a lot to... to talk abou'. Get off our chests."

John smiled a tiny bit while he wiped his face, "...Good thing ye left everythin' at my place, so I had a good excuse to come and find ye. Idiot."

"And I can't believe ye found me, John, yer insane!" I laughed a little bit.

  "Well... I guess it's only payback for ye comin' up to my apartment wi' no invitation either, ye see?" John joked. "Ye remember that stunt, McCartney?"

I rolled my eyes. "Christ, how could I forget?" I was still pretty bitter about the recent happenings, but at the same time... I can't stay angry with my boy,
no matter how hard I try.

      "And by the way, ye know that there's a couple of guys playin' cards outside yer building right now? They're bloody mad! It's raining out there and it's getting real late, too!"

      I stared at John with a very confused expression painted across my face, trying to guess what the fuck he's talking about. Then it hit me, "That's... a nativity scene, John. Jeez, ye really are blind." I giggled.

      "As a bat!" He quickly grabbed his spectacles out of his glasses case and placed them on the edge of his nose, "I mean, what's the sense in wearing 'em when it's pouring the way it is? Only gonna fog 'em up that way!"

I sighed, "But... anyway, like I said before... We've got a whole lot to talk abou' before everythin's... automatically better again, okay?"

"Shoot." John said to iniate the discussion, "What's on yer mind?" He lit a cigarette between his lips for the two of us to share together.

"Well. First of all... where is Yoko?"
I tilted my head as I asked, "I mean... John, she's yer wife and... ye did cheat on her. And I really hate to make ye decide, but... are ye goin' be wi' her? ...or wi' me?"

John winced at this statement. He took a drag from his cigarette and exhaled the thick smoke before replying, "Paul, I... I'm a bit stuck right now. I've got no clue as to what I want to do!"

"Well, ye better figure it out, quick! 'Cause I'm real sick and tired of always bein' caught in the middle of yer little love triangle. ...It's been years now, John. Fuck. ...How long will ye keep running from this before ye reali-" I was going on and on, nearly crying again until John kissed my lips and interrupted my rant.
His kiss was a shock, but it didn't help much.

I stared into his eyes with a baffled expression. I honestly don't know how I should feel right now. I love John, I do. But it's clear to me that he's stuck with his own ball and chain and not to mention my situation; that's another can of worms I don't know when I'll be ready to deal with.

John stroked my cheek as I stared at him. He took in a deep breath and put his hand over mine. The feeling of a weight on my chest began to slowly subside, but my stomach was still in horrible knots.

"...I'm willin' to do whateva' ye think's best." John sighed.

"...I mean it, Macca." He reassured me once more.

I hugged him tightly after that, recollecting my own feelings. Gathering my emotions from the past, present, and most importantly... I gathered my feelings for the future. This man could drag me through Hell and back, and trust me, he has. And I'd still swear that I'm okay. That can't be the case anymore and he has to know and understand that. I can't help but wonder...

"Jus promise me this one thing?" I spoke up.