Remember Me [harry styles] ✓

33 - Sunshine and rainbows

"I wanna stay up all night and find a girl and tell her she's the one."

We've been kissing for what feels like hours; hidden beneath the paper-thin hotel sheets, rolling over and over in the circle of each other's arms. With my fingers knotted in his tousled waves and the metal bands of his rings pressing into my spine - I keep expecting to wake up from a dream.

The journey from KeyArena to our hotel on the outskirts of the city centre was a blur. It didn't take us long to find one another the moment he left the stage; hands entwined, steps synchronised as we navigated the winding corridors that would lead us to our ride. Our magnetic pull to one another seems stronger now that the tour is coming to a close; every spare second precious. 

Three stops left...

"I still can't believe this is real." Harry says against my lips as I pause for a much needed breath. His kisses are dizzying and I have to blink the silver spots away. "Me and my Juni."

Harry can feel it too - the surreality of it all. And perhaps also the impending finish line.

"I know, I'm way out of your league." I smile and he redirects his attention to my neck; predatorily pressing soft kisses against my jugular that make me moan.

His phone buzzes twice on the nightstand; the sound cutting into the room like a harsh reality check, but Harry ignores it - his focus entirely on my face. And I very much want to focus with him, except there's a bubbling pit of unease in the base of my stomach. One that's been haunting me for weeks now.

"Harry, I can't stop thinking about what's going to happen when this ends." I set my eyes on the artex ceiling above; desperately hoping that whatever answer leaves his mouth is going to be enough to reign in my fears. But seemingly unphased, Harry continues his assault of my skin, and it takes all my willpower not to drop the conversation completely.

"When what ends?" He mumbles; voice thick with lust and disinterest for anything other than keeping his lips attached to my body. I can't blame him; it's like the stopper has finally been removed from a bottle containing all our pent up tension and emotions. Six years full of it. Every night is like this - frantic, impatient, longing; as if the hourglass containing our remaining days is always in plain sight.

"The tour. Our time together." He stills, sighs once and then flips onto his back beside me.

I know I've killed the mood now. Getting time alone with Harry is hard, even on rest days. But the time we spend alone is also the only time I have to ask him these questions. Otherwise my brain burns like an isolated star; overthinking its way through a galaxy of all my fears and anxieties.

"What do you think will happen?" His fingers interlock with mine as I ponder this question.

I think I know exactly what will happen. I think Harry will return to England, just as I will head home to Melbourne. I think we'll have six months of long distance bliss before the inevitable happens. And as much as it kills me to be a Debbie Downer - I think I've known this from the very beginning. Ever since New York.

"You can't blame me for being worried." I whisper, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

I don't want to be that girl. The one who spends most of her time infatuated by the what if's rather than just appreciating what's right in front of her. But this is Harry. This is my everything, and if I could just have a crystal ball to see into the future - to know if we're really in it for the long run.

"You didn't answer my question, Juni." Just in my line of sight, Harry wrinkles his nose; the bunny lines stretching up to the corner of his eyes. "But judging from that response, I'd guess that it's not all sunshine and rainbows in that pretty little head of yours, is it?"

He taps my forehead twice with his left index finger and I smirk. "You guess correctly."

Harry will always be sunshine and rainbows. He will always be the light in my life. But this is something else - this situation is something I'm scared neither of us can control. And I know he's not my boyfriend. Right now, we're somewhere in between being something and nothing.

"Look, Juni, aside from the eight year blip - we wrote pretty much constantly to one another for six years before that. I know we're not ten years old anymore - thank God, because I wouldn't be able to do this -" he presses a single kiss to my parted lips. "but I believe in us."

He always knows how to say the right thing, but I can't help thinking he's just deflecting from actually having to consider the alternative. 

"You think we can really do it this time?" My mouth feels horribly dry as the words leave it and Harry frowns; that deep groove pinching right between his eyebrows.

"I promised I wouldn't let you down again, didn't I?" I nod. "Then where is all this coming from? Don't you trust me, Juniper?"

I feel his hold of my hand loosen and the panic in my chest begins to rise. "Of course I trust you!" I exclaim. "Of course I do."

His lips twitch. "Good."

"It's just that now that we're really coming to the end, it's - it's real now, Harry. We're going to be separated again. And I know I'm a scaredy cat and I know you're a busy person but I just want..." I trail off; lowering my gaze to the cream doona as if it might actually prevent me from having to get the words out.

One long finger hooks underneath my chin; tilting my head upwards to face him. He wears a sympathetic expression now; his green eyes soft. "What do you want, Juni?" 

It's the one fear that seems to override them all. The one that stung me eight years ago and left its imprint on my heart. Even if we were just a nothing, rather than a something. Even if we were just penpals. Even if it never worked out.

I just don't want to be forgotten.

"Please remember me."

A smile toys on Harry's face as he absorbs my reply, and my cheeks flush. I feel silly and small and utterly ridiculous for even having to tell him this. But it's there; always underlying everything else. Every other fear and insecurity stems from this one.

Harry captures my lips with his own. We're not frantic this time; no teeth clashing or tongues wrestling. Just us. We gently pour ourselves into this kiss; as if we're giving a piece of ourselves to the other. As if our souls are merging. And I wish I could decode whatever it is that he's trying to tell me, because I just know that even if we were ever to forget each other - we'd never forget this moment. This is a kiss for the history books. Better than Bridget and Mark's in the snow, better than Holly and Paul's in the rain, even better than Harry and Sally's at the New Year's Eve party.

Eventually we break away; both panting, both flushed, and my stomach flutters with nerves like a million hatching butterflies as I raise my eyes to meet his. He's already staring at me; eyes heavy and filled with something I've never seen before.

"Juniper, I would sooner forget myself than forget about you."

And then we are all over each other again; fingers brushing against skin, fumbling with buttons and clasps and knotting in hair. It's abundantly clear that we both regret our wardrobe choices for the day - skinny jeans and a Tame Impala sweatshirt for me, tan suit trousers and a sheer starry-night style blouse for him, having not bothered changing after the show. I haven't a clue who designed it or the price tag and I'm almost afraid to breathe on it, let alone remove it. Harry's phone buzzes again - angry and persistent on the wooden nightstand.

"Whoever that is, can piss off." He all but growls and flings his arm out; knocking the handset clean from the table and sending it flying across the room like a twenty-first century live action Discobolus of Myron. I lie beneath him; both amused and awestruck as he broods above me, and only when a soft thud sounds from the far wall, does he speak again. 

"Tame Impala - great band, but for the love of God, Juniper, take that damn thing off before I tear it in half." 

author's note: Sorry this one took a while. I have been a busy bee but I FINALLY passed my driving test (it only took two years lol). I hope that you enjoyed this update...onto San Jose next!