he looked at the digital clock again. 2:05 AM, it said. 'have to pull another all nighter again,' he thought. he looked at his screen one more time. fans left encouraging messages for him on his post. alas, none of their copied-and-pasted quotes worked on him anymore. they were far too cliché for his liking.
he got out of his studio for his fifth round of coffee. on his way out, he got a glimpse of himself in the mirror. 'how much more pathetic and weak can you be, bang chan?' he asked himself silently.
he got no answer. instead, two red and sunken eyes stared back at him. dark circles beneath his eyes stood out in contrast to his pale skin. looking at his arms, he only saw bones underneath his thin skin. however, this aspect of himself was only for his eyes. slowly stepping out of the studio, he marveled at how much makeup could change a person.
waiting for his coffee to be made, bang chan stood there thinking. thinking. thinking. since he was small, he did a lot of thinking. he thought a lot about the family and friends he left behind in australia, the childhood and teenage years he gave up on, the feeling of never being good enough, and the likes.
amidst these thoughts, he also had happy thoughts. the day he debuted, the day he had his first ever concert, happy times with his members. although, the rate of these thoughts had begun to dwindle. lost in his own thoughts, he didn't notice a small person creep up behind him.
'chan hyung? are you okay?'
the said boy snapped out of his thoughts, and, putting on a fake smile, turned towards the younger male.
'of course jeongin. don't worry. anyways,why are you up this late?'
'because sleep is for the weak.' he answered grinning widely.
bang chan, looking at him smile, simply said 'don't use my words against me.'
at that they both smiled stupidly. at that bang chan realized how lucky he was to have such amazing members. at that he realized how amazing everyone else was, and how he was lacking behind. 'the hole of the group'. that's what he imagined himself as.
'hyung.. the members are worried for you,'
'they shouldn't be. i'm perfectly fine.'
'maybe you should take a break. i think you're being too harsh on yourself.'
'jeongin, i just want this team to succeed. you know that, right?'
'hyung... i can't. if you can't understand, then you just can't. '
and with that he was off. a single tear rolled off chan's cheek, and he stood there, for a long time, thinking about what he did wrong. didn't he just want everything to be okay?
he planned on apologizing, but the door was already locked. 'well,' he thought, 'guess we can only talk tomorrow,'
he walked back to his studio, sipping his now cold coffee. he slipped back into his own world, where today a particular song was being played.
Thought I found a way
Thought I found a way, yeah
But you never go away
So I guess I gotta stay now
Oh, I hope some day I'll make it out of here
Even if it takes all night or a hundred years
Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near
Wanna feel alive, outside I can fight my fear
Isn't it lovely, all alone?
Heart made of glass, my mind of stone
Tear me to pieces, skin to bone
Hello, welcome home
his phone began to ring with a sweet, melodious tune, indicating that his alarm had rung. when he looked at his phone it read, 'half an hour more channie! :D'
