Dear diary: How do I heal his broken heart?; Choi Soobin

Diary's Page: 8

Dear diary...

He kissed me.

Choi Soobin actually kissed me. And not only that, but he also saved me, he saved my life.

I still wonder if it was all a dream, how can someone be like a perfect prince in the right time?

When I felt his lips on mine, time stopped. His lips were so soft, so sweet, I felt sparks all over my body. My brain stopped functioning, and I felt an amount of fireworks in my stomach.

I didn't even think, I just kissed him back. I never ever thought this would happen, but it did. It was perfect, and my heart screamed, yearned for him. He took my breath away, my mind was exploding but at the same time it was completely blank.

I knew I had fallen in love in the moment I felt how would it be, if this happened normally. I suddenly felt the urge to have him, to love him, to be the one he loves.

I realized I love him. I realized I never want to kiss other lips again...

But he didn't feel the same way. The look on his face said everything, it spoke louder than words.

He was horrified at his own actions, he was regretting kissing me, and I've been trying to pretend it didn't happen, pretend it didn't hurt... Just so he wouldn't be mortified. If it was a mistake... I'd accept it.

But deep down, I'm drowning. It hurts more than words could even say. One moment he makes my heart race, and the other one he just crashes it against the floor and steps on it.

I cried a lot that night, but I didn't tell anyone. I wouldn't tell anyone, and I wouldn't show it to him.

I love him, I love him so much, but he doesn't love me, he... I don't know why he kissed me, but it was clear that he wouldn't do it again.

I wish you didn't kiss me, Soobin.

I wish you didn't dare to touch me, ever. You're stuck in my heart, you're stuck in my head and I can't get you out of it.

It hurts. You're hurting me, but I can't leave you.

I know you need me, I know you need someone.

And I love you, so if this is what you want...

Then I'll pretend it never happened.

Even if it's killing me