suicide ☏ hotline | jhs

chapter thirty two

Thursday 12:04am

hoseok: night :-)

you: wait..before you sleep i just wanted to ask one question

hoseok: what is it?

you: lately with all the new friends and people coming in my life and jisoo's accident and just meeting you and your friends just makes me feel a warm fuzzy feeling inside. i feel whole.

hoseok: isn't that good?

you: of course it is.

you: but throughout it all...have i changed?

hoseok: oh

hoseok: um

hoseok: i don't mean to offend you at any cost but, yes.

hoseok: i just didn't wanna tell you honestly but you have. when i first met you, you were this shy and nice girl whom i found out was the girl on the phone with me the other time telling me that she didn't wanna live anymore.

hoseok: and i know it's not like i've been there for you at your worst times but i've seen you a couple times to know that you're still not fine.

hoseok: you don't even seem to wanna see me or reply to any of my messages only if i intended a conversation

you: i am fine

hoseok: you're not.

hoseok: and i want you to be

hoseok: ..but i'm not the one that you want

His POV

"I am done for, what did I type?" I said to myself as I pulled out a pillow from the bed and covered my phone with it. A reply from Hyejin at this moment would be too much for me handle.

Why are you so scared of a message? I asked myself, what is it that a girl has to make me feel like I'm not the one to make her happy? She makes me want to hug her and tell her everything is fine, yet her blunt responses at times makes me want to fly out of the country and just be sober.

"Hyung, you want some banana milk?" Jungkook knocked my door and came in with a bottle of his own banana milk. It was like his prized possession.

"Oh, um you're allowing me to? Or do I have to duel with you for one." I joked.

"No, I'm giving it to you as a gift. How are things with you and her?" He hands me the bottle.

"Well, I just sent her a few messages about how I felt about how she was the past few weeks and she seems to notice that too. And now I'm too scared to look at her response."

"It says 'I didn't reply to your messages because I felt as though I was a distraction to you during your practice for tour.' oh wow she cares about you." Jungkook read aloud from my phone he took without me realising.

"Oh my god what do I say back? What if she thought I was unreasonable or something? Aren't I supposed to make her happy? I don't think I'm doing it right."

"Woah, Hyung, calm down. Why do you always have to bring up the fact that you have to make everyone happy? Majority of the human population already love you, and I'm sure Hyejin likes you as well."

"If she liked me then why would she avoid me then?" I questioned back.

"Well, logically speaking, maybe she's shy? I don't know dude, I haven't been in a relationship before."

"Nevermind."

Thursday 12:10am

you: i didn't reply to ur messages because i felt as tho ugh i was a distraction to you during your practice for tour...

hoseok: i've already told you so many times, you're never at fault if you ever wanna talk to me, i'll always make time for you

you: why?

you: you can spend your time on something or someone more worth it than me

hoseok: why do u have to be so pessimistic at times... i wonder if i ever really made you happy without having to be hyukbin lol

you: what does hyukbin have to be included? are you seriously jealous of him that even you being mr idol is concerned that an average guy like him is getting on your nerve?

hoseok: yeah, i am jealous of him

you: what's the reason for that, you have everything

you: you have fame, money, friends, a supportive fanbase and probably every designer clothing to exist

hoseok: i may have all those, but he still has someone that i can't manage to keep to myself..

you: someone? isn't it a something?

hoseok: nope it's someone

hoseok: it's you.

A/N: thank you so so SO much for 90k! here's a really delayed update, i don't think i will be uploading anytime soon this uear because of exams. but if u have any questions do ask me here!

> ask away <