Between Worlds (The Wall Series #1)

Chapter 4

I stared miserably outside the window, watching the houses and buildings pass by.

It's all a big mistake.

She's not gone.

We're just driving back home. She's going to be right there, probably painting like she did when she was alone, and waiting for me to come back so we could spend time together.

I closed my eyes, let out a breath and pressed my forehead to the window.

Painting. How many times had I seen her stroking her paintbrush on the surface of a cloth, turning the ordinary into the extraordinary?

The thought made the bright colors of her paints swirl in my vision. Her paintings had been everywhere in her room. It was her escape, her chance to create something beautiful, her talent.

A talent I had not inherited.

I felt my stomach churn, and I began questioning myself. How well did I really know my mother? How close was I to her? My eyebrows furrowed. Was I even a good daughter?

Something like irritation bubbled inside of me and I clenched my fists. What did I do for my mother? Why didn't I ask her these things sooner?

You never spent enough time with her. You didn't care for her at all. You were off, dozing while she was fighting for her life.

I exhaled, irritation fuelling anger directed towards myself. Why didn't I wake up sooner? Why didn't I check on her earlier, take care of her like she always did?

I clutched the car door handle, scratching its surface roughly with my nails. Stupid, stupid Amy. I exhaled. Stupid, stupid Amy.

"Amy?"

I whipped my head to look at Mrs Janet. We were waiting at a red signal. She hesitated for a moment on seeing what must be my raging expression.

"What?" I finally demanded.

"It'll be okay."

"No, it won't. It's not going to be okay." I could feel my anger spilling out of my mouth. "She's dead. You hear me? Dead! She's not going to come back, and it's my fault. So no, it's not going to be okay. It's never going to be okay! "

I shouldn't. I shouldn't be yelling, and I definitely shouldn't be yelling at Mrs Janet. The guilt was only an addition to my anguish.

Everything is so messed up. Everything.

Damn it, damn it, damn it!

My cheeks were wet. Tears blurred my vision. Everything is awful. I couldn't do anything for her. I'm so awful. It's all my fault. If I were careful, she would've been here.

I hate myself. I hate fate. I hate everything that took her away from me.

I don't have the strength for any of this. I don't. I should just die.

"Amy."

I didn't say anything. I only waited for Mrs Janet to tell me what an ungrateful brat I was.

But her expression only softened on seeing me. She reached out to squeeze my hand. Her warm touch instantly flashed an image of my mother in my head.

"You are right. She's not going to come back. But none of it was your fault. Many things are in our hands, and many times we may change our destiny, but we cannot alter the rest. That's just how fate works. Your mother...she was to leave us today, and she did."

I listened silently—not completely understanding—but listening.

"But we have each other, Amy. We're never alone. I'm right beside you and we'll get through this together. Just take a deep breath, okay? And don't forget; time is the best healer. Try diverting your mind till we get there. You can handle this." She stopped. Then she said, "You're brave. I love you."