Everyone in the small town of Hull knows two things. One: Jill Williams doesn't date, and two: Carson Blue is addicted to drugs.
When Carson decides to clean up his act and apply at Jill's family restaurant, she's less than enthused. Between school...
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DESPITE EVERYTHING, I managed to scrape by my exams with high eighties, even a low ninety. It's official. Two days before my eighteenth birthday, I became a high school graduate. Now I'm what some people would classify as an 'adult.' I can buy lotto tickets, play the slots, and vote, so officially, my opinion matters.
Yet even with all these adult privileges, I still feel like a little girl trapped in her small town, hiding in her room with her stuffed teddies.
After we broke up, Carson quit working at Dee's. He'd breezed into the diner to grab his final paycheck, and for an entire month, I didn't see or hear from him. Then one day, I drove Nolan to a dentist appointment and saw him smoking a cigarette on the corner of Elmwood Avenue. If he noticed me, he didn't show it. If he misses me, I have no idea about it. We unfollowed each other on all forms of social media.
That was two months ago.
I still think about him all the time. The bad, mostly, because it's easier to think about the bad. To remind myself why I had to leave him even though I love him.
But sometimes, when I'm alone in my bed—like I am right now—I allow myself to think about the good. I thought the attraction was supposed to fade after you break up. I thought I'd stop thinking about him like this. The memories themselves are a rush; at first they feel good, but the comedown cripples me with guilt. I've tried looking at other people, thinking about other people. No one compares to him.
Does Carson still think about the good things we did together? I wonder who he's sleeping with now. I heard a rumor he hasn't moved on, but rumors are horse shit. Carson told me himself he doesn't like to be alone. So I'm sure there's someone sleeping in his bed.
It's none of my concern now anyway. I'm thinking I might say hi to him next time I see him—as a friend, obviously—but who knows when that'll be. I don't hate him; I never did. But having him as my boyfriend was too destructive.
"Jill!" Nolan calls, and before I can respond, he barrels into my room. The midday sun shines through my curtains.
"Whoa, hey bud," I say as he sprawls on my bed. Nolan holds his phone up, and I flinch when I see Colleen Mills's face on the screen.
"Hey, Jillie," she says.
"Colleen!"
My cousin and I reposition ourselves on my pillow. I hold up the phone so Colleen can see us both. Her blonde hair looks silky and alive, and behind her is a white wall shelved with potted plants. I can't believe I'm saying this, but Colleen looks healthy.
"You look incredible," I tell her, and she smiles. It's the same Colleen smile I've always known, yet there's more life on her face.
"Baby girl, you'd never believe the last time I had a drink."
"That's great. I'm happy for you, Colleen."
"I'm isolated as hell out here though. I miss my kid. I miss all of you."
