F O R T Y T W O

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"I said no and my answer is no," I snapped at him, slamming my purse down on the counter of my kitchen, ripping my lab coat off and leaning on the counter. "I will not, ever, be your clubs doctor. I don't care how badly you need me. If I go there I will see him and I never ever want to see Donovan again."

"It's been three months, Lina," he said, taking a seat on one of my bar stools. "It's been three months since your recovery, almost seven months since your accident. You two haven't seen or spoke to each other since then. I'm not asking you to go there and be his doctor. I am asking you to be our doctor. We've got members getting hurt all the damn time and it's hard to find a trustworthy doctor in Araville."

I shook my head, my eyes shut tight. "No, I can't. Just even thinking about being in the same building as the man upsets me. You have to understand, I can't do it."

"You know," he began, sighing heavily as he stood and walked around the counter, placing a hand on my shoulder. "From the short amount of time that I've known you, my girl, I never once considered you the type to refuse help from anyone. God, trust me. I understand what you're going through. Your mother left with you. She disappeared and sent me a letter nearly a decade after telling me about you that you were mine, that I couldn't get to you, ever. Not only did your mother succeed in getting me to fall in love with her, she succeeded in breaking this old man's heart. I haven't been with another woman since her."

I opened my mouth to speak but he shushed me and continued. "However," he began, giving me that classic dad look. "That doesn't mean that I never stopped loving her. I wanted nothing more than to despise your mother when she took you from me, when she left me. I couldn't. I continued loving her. Even now, I'm not sure I can find another woman like her."

"God, dad, what's your point?" I asked, nearly on the brink of tears. "What do you want me to do? God! I loved that stupid fuck and look where it got me!"

"You're like your mother. Stubborn as hell. But I never once believed you to be the type to lose faith in your work, to refuse to help someone over a man. Out of all the men you've patched up, all the murderers and killers and drug dealers, you're entire mentality is changed because of one man. I don't give a damn about what he says to you, I don't give a damn if you see him, our entire club trusts only you with their lives. They said, 'if it has to be anyone, it's gotta be lady doc, only her.'"

I shut my eyes, sighing heavily. 

"Put aside your beef with him. Remember who you are, Lina. Who you are," he said, patting her on the back roughly. "It's just sad."

"What is?" I asked him, looking up at him as he walked around the counter to grab his coat.

"I was hoping you two would work out, somehow. I'd probably only ever accept Donovan as your lover."

"Oh, god. Please stop there," I said, the both of us laughing. The laughing faded and I glanced away from him, hugging myself. "I had hoped, somehow, that things would work, too," I admitted, trying so hard to not shed a single tear. "Maybe in another much more perfect world, we somehow end up together but now...I can't forgive what he did."

"Surprisingly," he began, holding the door open to exit. "I'm somehow...not mad at him. At all. It sounds awful of me but...well, he's doing a good job of punishing himself right now. It almost makes me sympathetic."

With that, he exited before I could even utter another syllable. It angered me, my blood was boiling. Why was I even considering forgiving him? Do I have no respect for myself as a woman? How could I even begin to forgive him? We've gone our separate ways. It's over between us, well, whatever was between us is long over and there is no way it can be fixed. It just can't. Whatever potential we had before is gone now, it absolutely can't be fixed by a flip of a switch.

Why is that I still loved him? He took my feelings, crumpled them up, burned them and then pissed on the ashes. He didn't give a damn about me. From the very beginning he didn't care. He wouldn't have cared if I died in that accident, if I never walked again. 

How could I even go back to that place? There would be no way for me to avoid the man.

Oh, but what the hell do I do at my own clinic now? I've got doctors working for me now, more medical assistants and nurses, what else could I possibly do here?

I missed being a doctor and, after coming back, I've hardly had the chance to do any doctor activities. I had too many other doctors I was set, the clinic was set.

If I work in the club I could finally get started doing what I love.

No, there's no way I could go back. No. If I saw him? No matter how much I'd like to admit it, I can't trust myself around him. I'd end up unconsciously forgiving him and then find myself in the same spot as before.

I screamed in anger, picking up one of my pillows and tossing it across the room only to find absolutely no satisfaction from that.

"Fuck!" I shrieked angrily, throwing myself on the couch. "I hate this!"


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