chapter 25

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wooyoung san

disbelief choked him, the emotional embodiment of thick smoke clogging his throat and blurring his vision.

his apprehension had finally caught up to him, distrust san's long-last companion, come to cling to him once again and whisper in his ear when things grew too comfortable.

wooyoung... drugs. drugs... his father. his father... pain, screams, blood, betrayal, hiding-

san clutched his head, shutting his eyes in a feeble attempt to blot out the haunting memories, not wanting to go back there.

not now.

wooyoung's betrayal left him delicate, and the last thing he needed was a dive into his past to shake him up when he had no one to go to. no one.

he didn't trust wooyoung- not when he was using. using the same stuff that ruined san's life and his mother's, when he knew what had happened. he had to have known.

you can't blame him if he didn't know.

right. he could only blame himself, for everything. for allowing himself to fall for someone who could only hurt him. for trusting someone who could never truly accept him. for almost giving up himself to wooyoung. almost.

and now he had no one.

yeosang wouldn't talk to him. yunho seemed to be avoiding him. he couldn't face felix about this. hyunjin and jeongin- they would only trigger him more.

although it wasn't their fault, san almost wished they hadn't told him the harsh truth of his unconscious type that always ended in his demise. but he would've found out eventually.

better now, before he grew to be inseparable from the boy he thought he trusted. san had to talk to someone.

but who? who could he turn to? he didn't want to be alone. he didn't want to go through this alone again.

but the only person who understood him well enough to understand why this affected him so much would probably just tell him 'i told you so'.

and that was the last thing he needed to hear.

san slid down the wall of the cold corridor, hugging his knees to his chest and laying his head on them, trying to calm his breathing.

he body was racked with shivers, and his lip trembled once more, hating the terrible curse of loneliness and self loathing.

san wanted to go back to wooyoung with every inch of his being, to explain why he needed time, but he also wasn't sure he could face the other without breaking down.

or worse, succumbing to the other's wide broken eyes that pierced his soul and accelerated his heart like no one had managed to before.

that was what he had to avoid at all costs. he couldn't forgive so easily again.

the longing for his friend tugged his consciousness once more, and he wished he understood why yeosang wouldn't face him while he was with wooyoung.

he wished he understood why yunho suddenly didn't want to see him. he wished he could change himself to make it okay for everyone. he wanted to make everyone happy.

that's all he ever wanted. san didn't care if that meant he couldn't be happy. and the one time he allowed himself happiness, he seemed to have lost everything and everyone else.

what did he do wrong?

•••

days past, and still wooyoung didn't show up to school.

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