Right Through Me

F O R T Y S I X

"You were curved!" Mia laughed, spilling part of her margarita on the table as she cackled on. 

"I wasn't even trying anything! I just fell asleep," I tried to reason, crossing my arms over my chest. "He's only making it clear that it's impossible for whatever went on between us to come back. I just can't seem to accept it."

"Maybe he's doing it on purpose or something," Amanda commented. "He must know that if you two were to get together it would, somehow, not work. So, instead, he's trying to save you both the heartbreak and just curve you."

"Would you please," I snapped, finding the 'c' word too annoying right now. "It's so frustrating, since when did I become like this? Why am I allowing a man cause me this much stress? It's so pointless."

"You already know the answer to that, we already know the answer," Leslie said. "It's alright to admit you love him. That you still love him. Once you love someone long enough it's hard to hate them after that," she said, shocking all of us.

"Since when did you become philosophical?" Mia joked.

"I'm serious. Lina is going through it right now. Look, we get it. It's frustrating, it's hard, it's irritating but you're going to keep loving the man and you're going to continue to be miserable until you two sort whatever you need to sort out," Leslie continued. "You can't move on because you two haven't really had the discussion you should've have months ago."

"She's right, Lina," Amanda agreed, Mia nodding along as well.

I sighed heavily. "Yeah. I know. I've just been...avoiding it. I already have a feeling I know how it'll turn out and if it turns out that way then...I don't know. I don't think I could go through it all again."

"Set me lose, I'll go teach that guy a lesson," Mia grumbled. "He's one of those 'don't-love-me-because-you-can't-survive-in-my-world' types of guys. Y'know? The type who's like 'I-love-you-but-I'm-going-to-hurt-your-feelings-because-I'm-scared-of-my-own'."

"How many guys have you been with to figure that all out?" Amanda asked, the rest of us laughing.

"Ha, ha. You laugh now but just wait. I bet I'm gonna be right about all of this," she said, pointing an accusing finger at us. 

* * *

"God damn," I grumbled, finishing up with the sixth gunshot wound of the evening. "How many times does this happen a week? What the hell do you guys do to get you in this much trouble? What did you even do before I started working here?"

"Well, the last guy ended up betraying us," Charles began. "He was an older fella, he was our doctor for a long while and then, one day, he tried to poison Aaron. Donovan found out and put a bullet in his head himself."

The comment made my stomach churn uncomfortably and I swallowed hard, finishing the bandage on Fury, one of the longest members of the club who was completely mute due to an interrogation gone wrong. "You're all set Fury," I told him, watching him nod and leave the room as if he didn't have a gunshot wound in his side.

"I have to admit," I commented, shaking my head and chuckling. "You guys are the toughest bastards I've ever met. No patient of mine has ever gotten up and walked out after being shot and sewed up."

Charles shrugged. "Most of us have been shot at multiple times. It ain't nothin' new."

"Charles," Donovan said, entering the infirmary with quick strides. "You're down at the docks tonight."

"Oh, damn. It's already Tuesday?"

"No, it's Wednesday. Ekon's working on another run tonight, I need you at the docks," Donovan said dully.

"Alright, alright. I'm there," he said, striding out of the room.

It was quiet between us, an awful tension hanging in the air. "How are they?" he finally asked, filling the silence.

"Stable. Fury already left, he's pretty much good. Cobra's passed out and Leo only had a knife wound but he fell asleep already," I told him, trying to keep it only professional.

He nodded slowly, looking at his two brothers asleep on the beds. "Good work," he said simply, turning to leave.

"Wait, Donovan," I said, standing to my feet, watching him freeze, his back muscles tensing through his shirt. I could hardly speak, he turned around, looking at me intensely. I opened my mouth to speak but absolutely no words came out, at least, no words I wanted to come out. "How is your wound?" I spewed, trying to force something out before he began to look at me funny.

"Okay," he  said simply. "I don't need a check-up. It's healing good because of you."

He was turning to leave again but I was pissed now. Why was he complimenting me? "Donovan, wait!" I snapped, watching him turn to face me once again. "Look. I can't stand it. I can't stand this," I said, waving between the both of us.

"What?"

"I can't stand it that you've said absolutely nothing about my accident, you haven't even brought up that stupid argument we had before it happened. You haven't done anything. You made it clear to me that you didn't love me so why...why are you complimenting my work? Why are you treating me like this?"

He stared at me, his face flashing with confusion and pain. He looked away from me. "You're a good doctor. Nothing has changed that," he said, trying to avoid the real conversation.

"Don't try and weave around the conversation. For seven months, Donovan, seven months you haven't spoken a word to me. You didn't come to the hospital, to my congratulatory party, nothing. Am I suppose to forget that? Forget our argument? Forget all the times I've saved your ass? Did I really mean nothing to you?"

His jaw clenched and his eyes flashed with fury. He ran a hand through his hair, sighing heavily. "You knew every goddamn personal thing about me, you figured it all out yourself and you still stuck around. I wanted you to leave before you got tangled in the club business but look where that got you. What I said that night was a lie but don't take it as an opportunity to work things out. You're better off without me."

Holy shit. It clicked. Mia was right. She was so unbelievably right it scared me for a second. "Oh quit with the bullshit!" I shouted, stopping him dead in his tracks, once again. "I wanted to stay as far away as I fucking could from you, for seven months I stayed away from you but I came back. You wanna know why I came back?"

His back was to me but he made no sign to move.

"I came back because no matter how much I want to fucking hate you, how much I want to just dig forceps in your eyeballs, I still can't do it! You and your club has been like another family to me, I wasn't going to throw it all away because of something so frivolous," I snapped. "Oh, and, if I wanted to stay out of your club business I wouldn't have come back."