Right Through Me

F O R T Y S E V E N

He went straight back to not speaking to me again. He'd give me grunts and mumbles as responses, if he had to answer me or speak to me. It was better than nothing and, at this point, it was an improvement from before. 

Although, I had to admit, my lack of self-control was just absolutely pathetic. So much for hating the bastard for what he did to me, why is it that, more often than not, women typically fall for the assholes? Whenever anyone spoke to me about that I was always sure that I'd never be that girl and yet here I am, I am one hundred percent that girl.

"You're zoning out," Nico spoke, his voice was incredibly deep and he laid on the operating table, speaking as if he didn't have a large laceration on his abdomen.

"Yeah, Doc, what's been with you?" Steer asked, sitting on the counter.

"The fact that none of you have even noticed is just sad," Charles chuckled to himself, sharpening his knife. "You could cut the sexual tension with a damn chainsaw. All her problems automatically originate from Donovan."

His statement nicked a sensitive nerve and she suddenly had wished he was o the operating table. 

"Charles do not know," Nico spoke, his voice heavily accented from his Norwegian background. "Love, love make you stupid."

I chuckled at his comment, sighing deeply. "Believe it or not, your President is nothing but a coward. He can't even own up to his own damn mistakes and, you know what, most of my problems actually do originate from him. He only causes me grief."

"And yet he's still the source of your wet-dreams," Charles joked. "How about you two just fuck and make-up. You're well past the kissing part, it's just annoying now."

"Oh yeah?" I spoke, finishing up the stitches on Nico and bandaging it up. "Then, enlighten me, Charles. Why is it that I haven't seen you with a woman in almost two weeks? Isn't that a little bit long for you? What's the matter, fucked all the girls in town? Or, maybe, could you have been pussy whipped by someone?"

Charles stood up defensively, his brothers looking at him with smug looks. 

"Oh, sorry. You know, Charles, when you act like an ass to me you make it obvious you're just projecting your own problems onto me," I continued, washing my hands and cleaning the operating table as Fury stood to his full-self. "So, come on. Spit it out, Charles. I want to hear all about this woman who managed to stop you from sticking your dick into every vagina you see?"

Charles scoffed. "Yeah, right. Like that would ever happen to me."

"You're always all talk, but you're a shitty liar," Steer commented. "It's gotta be one hell of a woman to get you all giddy."

"I ain't giddy," Charles snapped, storming out of the infirmary, Steer and Nico laughing like they'd never laughed before. 

"Good job, Doc," Steer commented. "Shut that bastard right up."

"He has so much fun getting in other peoples' business but when it comes to his own," I commented, shaking my head. "Alright, all of you out. You've harassed me enough for one day. Nico, keep that wound covered, if the bandages need to be changed come here. Don't do it yourself."

They waved their quick goodbye's and left, leaving me to sit in that infirmary by myself. I continued to clean the operating table, packing the instruments I used and setting them in the autoclave to clean them. I sat at the counter, zoning out. once again. 

It was only clear that I had absolutely no respect for myself, when I had yelled at Donovan I was so ready to risk it all, all in hopes that he'd somehow return my feelings like he should've all those months ago.

Should've?

I was being unreasonable. I can't force someone to love me. It was still so hard to stop loving the man. What had he done for me, nothing, and yet I still loved him. My love for him was a disgrace to all other loves, I threw that word around but it was still true, I loved him. It was becoming frustrating. Waiting around. I shouldn't be waiting for him, he wasn't going to just pop in and tell me how much he loves me and then take me off to wonderland. 

What an ass he was, and still is. He admitted his words that night were all a lie but he made it clear whatever I had hoped would happen between us wasn't going to ever happen. It just seemed a little unfair, he made the decision all on his own. As if being with him hadn't caused me to get into a lot of trouble before, he decides that now we shouldn't, at all?

"You're steaming," spoke Donovan, snapping me almost immediately out of my thoughts. I glanced over at him, watching him stroll in. "You make it very obvious when you're upset."

"And how can I not?"

He shrugged. "Is it the same thing as before?" My brows furrowed at him. "The reason you're upset. Is it because of before? Because of our...?"

"Are you, possibly, feeling guilty yet again?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him. He rolled his own, glancing away from me. "It's just going to take time. You ignoring me all the damn time like a woman isn't going to help it."

"Yet if I talk to you, it won't help either of us," he also pointed out, taking the words right out of my mouth.

"Then, what should we do about this dilemma?" 

"Well, no matter what I tell you, you won't leave," he grumbled.

"Am I that much of a nuisance?" I asked, cursing at myself for my voice breaking. He looked at me, regretting the words. "Why do you say such nasty things to me? Do you really want me to go?"

He stared at me and then leaned over the counter across from me, looking me dead in the eyes.

"In a perfect world, I would ask you to stay by my side forever, but you aren't safe by my side."

"I can hold my own."

"That's not the--"

"Then what is the point, Donovan?" I snapped at him, my eyes flashing with fury. "What is the point? You don't even know how much this hurts me."

"Watching you in that hospital bed was the most pain I'd ever felt," he spoke, sounding breathless. "Every single time you were in the hospital it was because of me. I had to take responsibility for that. I did. On several occasions you nearly died because of me. Don't sit there and tell me how hurt you are, I have to live with the fact that I can't even keep the one I love safe."

Huh?

I stared at him, blinking multiple times. 

"The one I love"? Did he just finally say...?

"What?" I breathed, staring at him, waiting for him to repeat it. "You jackass, did you seriously say what I thought you said?"

He leaned forward, his lips pressing on mine. He pulled away before I could even react and looked at me with so much emotion riddled in his eyes. "I love you, Doc."