Aliens In America

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Summary: AU. “I think the new guy in my Complex Variables course is an alien,” said Brendon, slurping his soup noisily and nodding at the subject in question.


“I think the new guy in my Complex Variables course is an alien,” said Brendon, slurping his soup noisily and nodding at the subject in question. Jon’s gaze followed his across the crowded cafeteria and landed on a scrawny guy just then sitting down opposite the man Jon recognised as Spencer Smith.

“Ryan Ross?” he said, mentally lining up the two names next to each other, then pointing at them and giggling. “Yeah, makes sense.”

His tone was genuine. This was firstly because he had when they first met realised that Brendon had no sense of sarcasm at all (“Oh, no, don’t mind me; just grab that doughnut right in front of my face,” Jon had said, to which he’d received the reply, “Thanks, dude—I just need so much sugar during these morning lectures—really nice of you,”) and secondly because it actually did make sense. Ryan was intelligent and efficient and appeared to have an eidetic memory, all qualities praised in would-be terrestrial visitors.

“How do you know his name?” Brendon asked, a shade suspiciously. Jon grinned at him.

“You know I have a good eye for faces. He’s in my Sustainable Development course, and in Man and Mechanics.”

Brendon frowned, distracted from the possible alien. “Why aren’t you taking Complex Variables with me, by the way?”

“Did that before my transfer already.”

“That, too? How many years did you do at your last college?”

“Oh, you know,” said Jon and smiled complacently. It was a skill of his that when he said things like that, people thought he'd answered their question.

“I’m going to conduct an alien investigation,” Brendon decided, returning to the more interesting subject of Ryan Ross. “See how he reacts to stuff in class, keep track of if he scratches a lot and stuff like that.”

“Scratches?” Jon said and scratched his hair.

“Yeah, like, he’s probably wearing a human skin for the first time. It might not fit, or feel uncomfortable or something.”

“That’s a very smart thought,” Jon said and moved on to scratch behind his right ear.

Alien Investigation, Day One.

Subject (RR) appeared confused when I sat down next to him and introduced myself. (Unused to human customs?) Unnecessarily long pause after I asked him his current whereabouts. Asked a couple of more questions during pause, so as not to make the blunder obvious and embarrassing. Subject still confused and somewhat shocked. Finally managed to get answers, if still hesitant. When asked if he wanted to consume his lunch with me, however, subject turned red (lacks complete control over bodily functions?) and refused to reply.

Obviously I have found a hole in their Human Interaction training. Will pursue this lead further.

“Hello,” said Brendon, sitting down next to Ryan in the library and depositing his books in front of him with a loud thump. “How's it going?”

“Good?” Ryan replied carefully, looking vaguely panicked. Where was Spencer when you needed him?

“I'm Brendon Urie, nice to meet you,” Brendon went on, grabbing Ryan's hand and shaking it. Ryan blinked.

“I know. You told me yesterday.”

“Yeah, I thought you might have forgotten, though. But you have my name stored somewhere, I guess? Do you have like a memory bank or something?”

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