SLOW BURN

16. i really am

About ten minutes later, I hear a soft knock on the door and I stand up to open it. Josh is standing in the hall. He's in uniform. Black pants with his navy blue shirt tucked in and black boots. He looks so good it hurts.

"Hey," I say suddenly feeling shy.

His eyes meet mine and he half smiles. "Hey."

I open the door wider for him. "Come on in."

He walks in and I close the door then turn around. The TV is still on and I'm grateful for the noise because Josh and I don't say anything for a moment. I don't know why it's so awkward between us. I suddenly consider the possibility that he came here to tell me he doesn't want to see me again. I begin to mentally prepare myself. What would I say? Yes, Josh, you're right. I understand. Now, would I say that before or after I burst into tears?

Oh God. I'm going to make myself cry before we even start this conversation.

"Sorry, did I interrupt a movie marathon?" Josh asks glancing at the couch.

Chill out, Natalie. Chill. Out.

I shrug walking past him. I sit on the couch and grab the popcorn. "Not really, don't worry about it."

He sits down next to me but he keeps his distance. "Natalie, there's something I want to tell you."

I turn to look at him. "You don't want to see me anymore, do you?"

He frowns. "What? No, of course it's not that."

I feel relief go through my body but then grief settles in. I look down. "Maybe it should be."

"No, Natalie-look at me." He waits until I look at him before he continues. "You don't get to do that again, alright? Tell me something, do you want me to leave you alone? Do you not want to see me again?"

I look into his brown eyes and shake my head once. "No, I don't want you to leave me alone."

He places his hand on my cheek. "Then stop trying to push me away. Stop trying to end this. I'm a grown ass man. I don't need you to protect me. I'll know if I've had enough."

I nod. "Okay. I'm sorry."

He looks into my eyes then down at my lips. "May I kiss you?"

His question makes me want to cry and I don't know why. Maybe because of how much I've yearned his lips and I've been wanting nothing more than to taste them again. I throw my leg over him and position myself on his lap then place my hands on his cheeks and press my lips against his. "You don't ever have to ask to kiss me, Josh, just do it," I say against his lips.

He half smiles. "I might make you regret saying that." He kisses me again as he puts his arms around my waist. "I'll never get enough of you, just warning you."

I smile against his lips then kiss him harder. We make out until we run out of breath. When we do, I put my arms around his neck and bury my face in his neck. He smells so good. "I missed you." I whisper then press my lips on his neck.

"And I missed you," he says softly, tightening his arms around me.

After a moment, I pull away to look at him. "Josh, I know you just told me to stop trying to end this but you should know that I'm not ready for Brad or everyone to find out about us."

"I know, I'm not either." He places his hand on my thigh making my skin burn underneath. "I want to keep you to myself for as long as I can."

I smile. "Good. That's exactly what I want too."

His eyes scan my face before they land on my eyes again. "Can we agree on something, though?"

"What is that?" I ask curiously.