20 | chapter twenty

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Niklaus Wade

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Niklaus Wade

I sat up, my hands gripping the edge of the desk but I couldn't rip my gaze away from Nash's that held me in place. He has the most power over me, a power that I've never felt before, his eyes commanded my attention without a shadow of a doubt. I felt his calloused hands on mine and that's when I tear my attention away from his piercing green eyes. His tanned hand grips my smaller pale hands into his and I flush seeing this sign of affection that I don't think I'd ever get used to.

Sometimes we'd walk down the hallways holding hands but I'd get so embarrassed and my heart would beat so loudly that I'd shrink away and try to rip my hand away from Nash. He'd look at me in return and he'd always wear this crooked smile as if amused by me as my cheeks turned a shade of red that made my skin feel hot and tingle.

Gripping my hands tightly in his, he stands and tries to raise me up with him but I shake my head with pink coating my cheeks. Ever since being with Nash, I felt like I was always blushing, like my face was constantly one shade that wasn't my natural pale tone but I couldn't help it. Nash just made me do things that was unlike myself but when I thought about it, I don't think I was doing anything out of the ordinary.

I felt like being with Nash brought out sides of me that were kept buried and he unleashed a side of me that was always kept hidden. There was always something new I came to learn about myself and it scared me but day by day I started to become less and less overly concerned and critical of myself. I still had those nightmares but Nash had started coming into my room nightly.

He wrapped his arms around me and comforted me so when I had those dreams, I'd wake up a mess but Nash was immediately by my side to wrap his arms around me even tighter and comfort me until my irregular breathing calmed down. He treated me like I was everything—no, like I am everything to him and that makes me feel special. There wasn't anything about Nash that upset me but sometimes I thought that this wouldn't last long.

That used to scare me, the thought of us not lasting long, the thought that I would only be happy for a short period of time. Even so, I began to throw those thoughts over my shoulder. If that time came when he was no longer in my life, I would suffer then but I didn't want to suffer pushing him away because of that fear. I wanted to live without that consistent fear that plagued me and made me feel insecure. I wanted to live for once.

But right now I couldn't stand up even though Nash pulled me to stand because my briefs were a mess and there was now a dark stain in front of my jeans. There was no way I was walking through school with my jeans in this mess, it was so embarrassing. Nash doesn't understand as he looks down at me with a single raised dark brown thinly trimmed eyebrow. I scoot back with my seat and with a trembling hand, I point in the direction of my crotch.

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