Ride or Die

XII. I Just Need Comfort

Santoya

I walked downstairs as someone rang the doorbell. I opened it seeing the bitch wishing she was Keenon's baby momma. How she get this address? "Can I he--" before I could finish talking she punched me in my mouth. "Bitch!" I exclaimed charging at her throwing punches left and right. She fell in the floor and I started bashing her head on the stone porch as she tried to punch my face hitting me a few good times. I was raised off her and I was so fucking mad. "Get the fuck off me!" I yelled pushing Keenon. I went inside and to the bathroom downstairs. My lip was busted, my eyebrow was cut, and my nose was bleeding.

"What the fuck Toya, yo ass pregnant." He said and I rolled my eyes getting peroxide out of the cabinet.

"I don't fucking care." I muttered dabbing my lips with peroxide.

"The fuck you mean you don't care? You carrying my child, you can't just do shit like that." He said as I cleaned my bloody face.

"How the fuck that bitch know we live here?" I yelled.

"I don't know Santoya." He said and I rolled my eyes.

"So the bitch just randomly pick the right street, city, house and everything right? She just did that shit at random?" I asked.

"She didn't find that shit out from me." He said and I rolled my eyes.

"Then who the fuck told her?" I asked crossing my arms. "l damn sure ain't told the bitch!" I yelled. He stayed quiet, "must be fuckin' that dirty ass bitch, I hope yo ass catch somethin'." I said walking out the bathroom. I grabbed my car keys, but Keenon stopped me throwing my keys on the floor. He pushed me against the wall.

"Ion know what the fuck got into yo ass, but you need to cut it the fuck out!" He said sternly. "You need to kill that fuckin' attitude you got, that shit ain't cute no more Toya, it's annoying as fuck! Yo ass need to go upstairs and chill the fuck out." He added and I was turning to push him away, but as I was doing it he pinned my arms over me. I started hyperventilating because it reminded me of my childhood.

I uncontrollable started yelling, Get off of me, stop, and no. Tears started pouring out of my eyes as I kept yelling those words. In my head I repeated 1 John 4:4 "greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world." Like Ms.Janice told me if something bad is happening to me. I realized Keenon let go and out of instinct I scratched his eyes, kicked him in the balls and ran upstairs. I locked myself in the bedroom and cried myself to sleep. When I woke up I ran to the bathroom in our room and threw up. I rinsed out my mouth, then went downstairs for my keys. I got in my car and blasted What A Life by Jhene Aiko. I sped off to Mama Janice house.

"What's wrong baby? What happened to your face?" She asked as I walked in.

"I got into a fight." I said as we went to the kitchen.

"That was rarely something with you." She said giving me tea. I love her tea! I was slowly stirring it watching the tea follow the spoon.

"I'm pregnant." I muttered still trying to get used to it.

"What?" She asked confused.

"I can't be." I cried pulling my hair. "I'm not ready!" I added looking at her.

"Toya whats wrong?" She asked rubbing my arm.

"I'm pregnant and I'm scared I won't be a good mother because I didn't have parents that loved me." I cried. "I really don't want this baby, but Keenon does and I couldn't live with myself if I aborted it." I cried.

"Toya, your maternal instincts are going to kick in right when that baby comes out. Your going to be able to do stuff you never thought you could. " she comforted me.

"I just can't do it." I cried. "I don't even know how to change a diaper."

"Toya, calm down. Don't be denial about it, the baby coming whether you want it to or not." She said and I sight.

"I just don't know, I... ima go home." I said getting up. She hugged me.

"Everything is going to be okay and your going to be a great mother." She said and I nodded. I got home crying the whole way. I was going to the room, but Keenon stopped me at the stairs.

"What's wrong?" He asked and I threw my body at him hugging him as I cried on his chest. He just hugged me back. "Come on Ma, don't do this." He said and I cried harder. He picked me up bridal style and carried me upstairs. He laid me on the bed and kissed away my tears. He laid next to me and kissed my nose before putting his hand on my stomach. "You don't wanna have this baby huh?"

"It's not that I don't want it, I'm just scared I won't be a good mom." I admitted wiping my remaining tears.

"Baby, you gon do fine." He said and I sighed.

"What if I'm not?"

"You got more that enough time." He said and I scooted closer to him. He wrapped his arm around me and we stayed quite. I ended up going to sleep in his arms. When I woke up I felt so amazing. Keenon was sleeping, and I straddled on him.

"Keenon, wake up!" I exclaimed bouncing on his stomach. "Daddy, wake up!" I whined as he started stretching out. He put his hands on my waist and looked at me.

"What?" He asked and I giggled.

"I'm hungry." I said and he grinned before toppling on top of me. He kissed me passionately and I smiled before pecking his lips.

"You feel better?" I nodded.

"I really just need to hear you say that I was going to do fine." I admitted.