The Bad boy's Prayer

Chapter 10 AWOL

I had a few things in mind I would've like to say to him right about now.

But what came out of my mouth was ;

" you know what ? You don't have to be so rude about it. I'm doing this as a favour to your mom because I actually like and respect her. So if you've got a problem with me I'd kindly ask you to keep your opinions to yourself beacause I'm just doing this for her. Okay ?"

Okay , so that came out a little more rude than I thought it would but it wasn't that bad ? Was it ?

"Meow , kitty's got some claws. " he says mocking me at my sad attempt at telling him off .

"Okay , I've had it with yo-"

"Shut up and sit down. I need my grade up because Mr Walter's breathing down my neck about it. And the last thing I need is my mom worrying about something as stupid as my grades." He said as I for almost a second thought that he ACTUALLY had a heart. That's until he said: "but let's get one thing straight super nerd. I don't like you or your ugly face. We're not friends here and certainly not at school. Don't even try talking to me at school because I DON'T KNOW YOU . And don't think just because you're helping me out we would become friends or something. NOT HAPPENING"

"Wouldn't dream of it." I said giving him the fakest smile I could muster , hiding my inner sadness as his words cut right through me like a razor sharp blade.

"So are you just going to stand there staring or actually help me ?" He said , cutting me from my thoughts.

"Right." I said , taking a seat across from him.

Could my day get any worse ?

****
After two hours of 'tutoring' him or well , him testing my limits as a person and a Christian, I decided I had enough for today. So I told him we'll meet up again tomorrow and that I had to go . To which he gave another snarky comment in return before I left.

"I'm telling you Savannah , it was horrible ! I've never felt so insecure and inferior in my life ! And I know my values and who I am as a person don't get me wrong but , I'm just trying to explain how terribly rude and distasteful this was. " I said over the phone, lying on my bed and telling my awful tale to my bestfriend.

"No of course. I get it . We both know he's a jerk and well, his words hurt. A lot infact. We just have to keep our heads held high and our King held higher. Show him that you're the better person by not letting him get to you. Show him love and kindness just like God would expect of you to do. You know ?"

"Yeah , you're right... it's just he - he tends to push all of my buttons and I can't do anything about it or I'll make everything ten times worse."

"I know it's hard Maya , but all we can do is pray that God will work in his heart. Look , I gotta go mom's calling me. Talk to you soon yeah? "

"Yeah. Bye ..." I said , hanging up before jotting downstairs .

I had no idea why his words hurt me so much. It never really have. Usually I would just brushed it off , like I always do because why does his opinion have to matter?

But today, today it struck home. It hurt so much more than it ever had and maybe it's because for the first time ever , we've spent a lot more time together than just a brief snarky comment in the hallway. Or maybe, its simply just because he had the time and attention to express his distaste to me.

I don't really know why .

But I do know that I never want to feel like I feel today , ever again.

I hate feeling so worthless and ... undeserving.

It's not who I am.

Grabbing an apple from the basket I sat down at the counter , scrolling through Pinterest seeing my feed filled with my usual searches: food , clothing inspo , quotes and ultimately , cute lovey dovey relationship goals.

Seeing the new search item appear on my screen made me instantly crave what those 'Pinterest couples ' had.

A real , solid relationship.

Could my relationship with Aiden someday flourish into something like that ? Would we be 'goals ' to other singles?

Swiping that thought from my mind - because I shouldn't be thinking about all of this when we've only ever gone on one date. - I stood up from the counter and made my way to the car.

Maybe a late drive , grabbing some ice-cream from Joey's would clear my mind . See some things clearer. In perspective.

Arriving at Joey's 20 minutes later , I ordered my usual order of Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream , taking a seat at the booth.

It was quiet for 8 in the afternoon . The place feeling empty and lifeless. The only sound being heard being the turning of the ice cream machine and the soft music playing through the confectionar's headphones.

That's until the bell at the door - signaling the presence of another one craving ice cream- broke the silience, making the music grow slightly louder as the girl behind the counter shifted her headphones from her ears to her shoulders.

I didn't hear a word they were exchanging, too engrossed in my thoughts and indulging myself in the ice cream.

That's when I was made aware of the presence next to me .

"Is this seat taken ?"

As I lifted my gaze , meeting his blue glacierous eyes I had no words . I couldn't form a single sensible sentence as he slowly slid into the booth infront of me.

"S-Shawn ? How - um ...hey !" I said nervous, no idea how to address my childhood bestfriend after he went awol for over a week ago

"Hey back." He said , slightly less confident this time as silence fell between us,  creating this unbearable wall , completely oblivious to the situation it's separating us from.

"So I-"
"I was thinking-" we both said at the exact same time , realizing it and giving a soft chuckle at the mental 'connection ' we still shared.

Even miles apart and inches away , we could still share in the same thought process . Just like old times.

"Ladies first." He said soft as I shook my head .

"No , you go ahead . Please. " as much as I would've liked to share my thoughts first and ask him the dozen of burning question as to why he's been ignoring me , I decided against it. It wouldn't be the smartest ...

I had no idea what was on his mind or what he had to say so letting him go first simultaneously frightened and stressed me .

Only God knew what would be going through his mind right now.

I watched as he took a deep calming breath before saying ;

"Maya , I'm so sorry for not being around as much it's just ... just um college you know ? It's been keeping me so busy and I just couldn't get around to everything. Please don't be mad at me , I'm so so sorry ..." he trailed off as I watched him with a puzzling look.

Why did I expect him to say something else ?

Something way ... worse ?

I don't know . Maybe I've just been imagining myself. There's nothing going on and he just said it himself ; he's been extremely busy and that he's not mad at me.

I should be happy. Relieved.

But why don't I feel like that ?

And  so does another chapter come to an end. I have mixed feelings with this chapter , not sure where it lies on my '  chapter writing quality  radar' but I'm pretty satisfied with the way it turned out. Let me know what your thoughts are in the comment section below.  Until next time,  keep howling my wolves ❤🐺