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Well, since you told me not to score your blurb, I did as instructed. However, I have some teeny tiny advice.
Excerpts, while they are common in Wattpad, aren't really that helpful in terms of being blurbs in the professional sense. Sure, they can lure the readers in, especially if they add a hint of sexy and spice and everything hot, but have you seen excerpts on the back of the cover of an actual book?
I've read a lot of them, and in my opinion, I don't think so. Of course, this is subjective, but if you want to know more about how to make an alluring "bluh bluh blurb," check out the half rant, half self help book that Miss ray_of_sunshine9 and I made!
(Well, technically, it's not posted yet, but since someone already requested that we tackle this topic, I figured I'd lure some folks who might want some advice!)
It's called...
101 Writing Tips from an Exhausted Reviewer!
(It's in Miss Sunshine's profile. We'd appreciate it if you checked it out if you have time!)
Description: 2.5/5
Okay. First of all, my first comment on your story is that your sentences are bananas long. Seriously. I'm actually missing a certain punctuation mark called the period.
Let's break something down, shall we?
While compound and complex sentences are a way to show that you want to complicate things further, the lack of period actually hurts the eyes (well, I guess this might be subjective because I can't tell if anyone's eyes are hurt except for mine) and adds even more tendency for grammatical errors. It won't hurt if you shorten them a bit, right? This is heavily connected to your grammar, so I suggest you break up some of your Rapunzel's-hair-long sentences and make them simpler. This is the first step to taking a peek and examining the current stature of your story. If you break them down, it will be a whole lot easier to untangle the strings and spot all those grammatical inconsistencies.
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This is just a small example. I've actually read one (I think it's on chapter 2) that is too long for me to screenshot.
Please be reminded that "Description," also affects the score of "Grammar," which we will be tackling sooner.
Do you notice how many "at/to me," phrases you have? Yes. This can be called redundancy because it's already repeated itself thrice in a single sentence.
