LOSS

CHAPTER 1

" Selena I can't talk right now, she's around" My husband spoke in a hushed tone.
I wanted to scoff but I was pretending to be asleep. Then again he does not deserve my consideration, I turned around slowly to face him and I opened my eyes.

The shock was evident on his face, he was clearly caught off guard. " Umm I'll be there in a few hours" he said as he visibly swallowed. I got off the bed and walked into the bathroom. I turned on the sink and sobbed. After three years i thought It would stop hurting but it didn't.

"Good Morning Selena" My husband greeted with a wide smile as I reappeared from the bathroom. Yes my husband's mistress and I have the same name. Well he doesn't have to worry about saying her name during coitus. Why even bother, he stopped touching me years ago. I didn't understand why till I figured out he was cheating. At least he's faithful to her.

"Morning" I greeted with a tight lipped smile. No matter how I beg myself to hate him, I still love him and I hate myself for that. He does not deserve me, but my heart doesn't seem convinced.

I walked out of the room with one destination in mind; my daughter's room. She's five years old. And she was the only person keeping me sane in this farce of a marriage. She was still asleep but she had to go to  school so I shook her gently to wake her.

"Mummy" she mumbled before rubbing her eyes with the back of her palm. I smiled and kissed her forehead. She's so cute. I picked her up and she clung to my neck, burying her face where my neck met my shoulder. Her breath tickled which caused me to laugh.

"You have to wake up baby" I crouched down, trying to get Mariana to stand. I named her Mariana because I loved the name and also because I could get alot of nicknames from the name. When she finally decided to stand on her own two feet, I got her ready for the day.

"Mummy I don't want to go to school" she whined as I carried her downstairs. I had to feed her and drop her off. Barry barely even acknowledges her existence sometimes, obviously he wanted a boy.

"Daddy" she screamed excitedly. Barry did not return the enthusiasm, he was already dressed for "work". "Hey Ana" he said weakly before focusing his attention on me. "I will be working late today".

When are you not? I wanted to say but I held my tongue and gave a nod.

"Love you" he said and exited the house. He says it every day before leaving for "work" and ever since I caught him with Selena I have never said it back. But he doesn't notice, if he does he has never bothered to ask me about it.

He doesn't love me yet I loved him so fiercely.