LOSS

CHAPTER 11

How could I answer her? I wanted to answer her so bad and tell her the truth but she didn't deserve such harsh reality.

Mariana was now screaming and hitting the window. My daughter was in pain. For the first time she was throwing a tantrum and I didn't know what to do.

I just wanted to burst out crying. It was too much for me. "Mari please" I begged. She stopped hitting the window but she was now sobbing relentlessly. She must have taken my silence as an answer.

I went to her and held her. She cried into my chest as I stroked her hair.
"I love you so much baby, Grandma loves you, your friends love you, your classmates love you, even your teachers love you. Mariana you are loved." I encouraged her. I had a duty to protect her yet I failed her.

"I don't like daddy" Mariana sniffed. I knew she was just saying that and I didn't want to encourage her to dislike him so I didn't make any comment on it. I didn't want her to grow up hating her father influenced by what I felt for Barry. I wanted her to form her opinions on her own.

"I don't want to go home" she whispered.

"Ok, how about we go to Grandma's?" I asked trying to sound enthusiastic. I didn't want my mom to know I was getting a divorce, I didn't even tell her anything I was going through. I knew she would be disappointed in me. She always told me never to take bullishit from any man.

I remember when I found out my dad strayed. My father worked late one day and my mom didn't like it. She gave him hell for it and I remember thinking my mom was being overdramatic. That was until I found out that before I was born, my dad usually worked late which led to an affair with his assistant. The affair didn't last though, my mom caught on early.

According to my dad, my mother threw his things out and he wasn't allowed to see me when I was born. He did everything possible to gain forgiveness.My mom forgave him for my sake and he till he died, my dad didn't give my mom any more reason not to trust him.

My mom was a woman of action. And she always encouraged me to be one too.

"Yes I want Grandma, she makes everything better" she sounded so weak.

I kissed her hair and held her. I didn't feel like leaving her. She wasn't crying anymore but she didn't look like she could hold herself up. I didn't have the heart to let go.

"You need to drive, I'm ok now mom, " she said detaching herself from me. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and forced a smile. "See?" She said through her smile.

"I love you so much Mari" I couldn't control the tears. Why did I let Barry hurt my baby? She always thought about my feelings but I wasn't thinking about her, I was thinking about myself this whole time. I should I have left him before he could hurt Mariana like this.

"I love you too"