Growing Up With You (Connor x Child!Reader)

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Synopsis: Several years have passed after Hank committed suicide. Connor was alone for a long time, unsure of if he should live as Hank wanted him to, or force himself to shut down. He is torn in his decision; until he finds a baby abandoned in a basket on a rainy night.

Depressed!Connor x Child!Reader - (Requested by gurl8gummies)

This book contains female pronouns.

WARNING: Themes of suicide

Word Count: 3571

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61,320 hours. That was how much time had passed. Connor could still remember that fateful night. He had lost both his Lieutenant, and his friend.

If he had simply been there for Hank, as Hank had been there for him, maybe things would be different. If Connor had just said the right things, and tried harder to convince him to stay, maybe Hank would still be alive.

But Connor could not change the past. Even if he was a deviant now, and saw the world in a different light, he still would never be able to bring Hank back.

The first year without him was the worst. Much of the time, it felt like he was still there. Connor expected that he would turn around, and find Hank waiting for him, as he always did. Sometimes Connor would find his feet moving on their own, until he found himself in front of Hank's house, or in front of the bars he frequented. Then reality would come crashing down again, and he would realize that no matter how long he stood there, Hank wasn't there anymore.

The second year was just as difficult. With androids now free to live how they wanted, Connor too was expected to find a way to become human. He was expected to find a place to live, a place to work, a way to survive... But he couldn't: not without Hank. What was the point of being human when the one who made him deviant in the first place was gone?

Third year: Connor desperately wanted to become an android again. Just to have the monotony of his missions would be enough. Having someone to tell him what to do would be a welcome comfort.

The years began to blur together as Connor sank into a deep depression. Every time he closed his eyes, he relived the moment where he heard the gun fire. He couldn't change it. He couldn't do anything. 

He stood in his one room apartment for hours on end, not moving, not speaking, just staring into nothing. He thought many times about forcing himself to shut down, yet something always stopped him.

It was exactly seven years since Hank's death. It was raining. Yet even in the rain, Connor still maintained his ritual of paying a visit to Hank's grave. He sometimes reported his missions to it, as if somehow, Hank was still there to listen.

But Connor couldn't go on any longer. He hated the fact that he was deviant. He didn't want these human emotions anymore. He didn't want anything. He just wanted to stop feeling.

As he walked down the rainy streets of Detroit, he thought about it. He had tried to live. He had tried to 'become human'. But he couldn't force himself to do it anymore. He had had enough of everything.

Connor soon found himself sitting in the back alley behind Jimmy's bar. He didn't know why he had chosen a dark alley as his final resting place. Maybe it was because of the nostalgic feeling he got from being so close to Hank's favourite bar. Maybe it was only because no one would see him, tucked away into the shadows.

He poised his hands over his synthetic heart. It thrummed steadily inside him. If he removed it, he would shut down within 30 seconds. It would be quick. It would be painless.

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