The Flame (Avengers Fanfiction)

62-Blue

Five Years After The Snap

I'm hiding behind the couch, my finger resting on the trigger of the gun. I'm trying not to breathe too loudly. I don't want to draw any attention to myself. I listen, straining my ears to hear where my enemy is. Someone is opening the pantry door. I can hear the light switching on before it gets switched off and the door shuts. I try to peak around the corner of the couch, but I didn't get to see much. I let out a soft breathe, thinking that maybe he didn't see me-

"Got you, Mommy!" Benjamin shouts before firing foam bullets out of his brightly colored nerf gun. I drop my own nerf gun before dramatically clutching my chest.

"Oh no! I've been killed by my son!" I cry out, sliding onto the floor. Ben laughs and kneels by  my body. I look up at him. "Tell your father...I love him." I say weakly before pretending to die, letting my tongue roll out of my mouth. Ben giggles, poking me. I smile at him, sitting up.

"You're silly, Mommy." He says and I nod, standing. Ben smiles at me, his green eyes shining. These are the moments that I absolutely adore. I love it so much. I love being a mother. I loved my son so much, way more than I love myself. Way more than I love Tony or Steve. I'd do anything for him, I'd die for him. No one ever told me you fall in a different type of love with your child.

"I know. Now you better clean up all those bullets. I can't believe you shot your mother." I tease, ruffling his blonde hair before I walk to the kitchen to check on dinner. I've gotten so stupidly domestic, haven't I?

We weren't in the Avengers base, oh no. We weren't in the tower either. No, Steve and I had moved out of both places after the wedding in favor of something much more normal. Well, it was a more than a million dollar home, but it was a much more normal place to raise a child. Seven bedrooms, five bathrooms, a backyard. It was in Brooklyn so Steve automatically loved it. I love it because it is so utterly normal and it makes Steve happy. It's where Benjamin has grown up. It's home.

I pull the chicken out of the oven, placing the dish on the counter. The house was awfully big for just the three of us. Steve wanted more kids, he made that sort of clear when I asked why we needed so many rooms. After the wedding, he almost got that. We had found out I was pregnant and I had gotten tests done to make sure it was a boy and it was. Steve was so damn excited. He started to think of names and how he was going to do the nursery, but it didn't matter. Before the first trimester had ended, I had a miscarriage. Our hearts were broken and I only hurt Steve more when I told him that I didn't want to go through a loss like this again. All thoughts of expanding our family died with the baby. I know Steve hates me for it. I can see it in his eyes whenever we see a big family. Maybe that's why he spends more time with his grief circle than he does with Ben and I. He loves us, don't get me wrong.

I don't know if he understands that I'd wish I could give him as many children as humanly possible. I really do. I just can't. Even without the whole curse bullshit, I couldn't give him more children. I just can't handle another lose. Three children-I've lost three children. I can't bear to lose anymore. I can't. I can't do it and I'm sorry Steve. I really am. I've tried to appease his wishes after that as much as I could. Steve thought that it was all the work I was putting in as the director of the Avengers caused so much stress that I miscarried. To try to make him feel better, I took a step back from my role to try to make him feel better. It really didn't work and it only made me miss my work more.

"Mommy, when is daddy coming home?" Ben asks as he sits down at the table. He immediately draws me out of my dark thoughts. I busy myself with putting together a plate for my son. I set it in front of him and his eyes light up ever so slightly when he sees the mashed potatoes. Kids are weird. So fucking weird. Who's favorite food is mashed potatoes?