This Bad Boy I'm With

[39]: No More Pretend

I tried to ask myself,
should I see someone else
I wish I knew the answer,
But I know, if I go now,
If I leave,
Then I'm on my own tonight,
I'll never know the answer

~Irresistible | One Direction

[39]: No More Pretend

Seth's P.O.V.

"And your kiss, unmissable."

I stopped at that line. I couldn't sing anymore. The words were stuck in my throat, almost choking me. The song struck me so much and it hurts.

It hurts.

This wasn't the first time I felt like this. I could remember the first time I felt this pain in my heart-- at the very first day where I made her cry because of scaring her in that motorcycle ride.

I am Seth Deavon and the word pain isn't in my dictionary.

But this injured girl here sleeping on my bed peacefully with a small smile on her face made me less insensitive.

I couldn't bear the stabbing pain in my chest. The dark purple bruise under the icepack was conscientious. There was this weird feeling that I was ignorant of: I felt like tearing myself down for causing this. Guilt. Disappointment.

I know I wasn't really strong. I might be a good street fighter and I know how to punch well but I was a coward. Deep inside I know I was one.

The only thing I could think of now was to slowly escape this. I'm not exactly a "good" person and I have no idea how to be a perfect one so don't expect me to go and tell Thea my real feelings for her.

Reaching for my phone, I thought about what life would be again without Thea. It would be back to those days where it would be just fine and normal. My guys and I just chilling here and there, not giving any damn about what was happening and of course, there would be no more stupid feelings.

I dialed Grace's number and as it rang, I confirmed my decision. No more pretending, I'm ending this. I'm leaving her. I'm putting her out of my life. The time she spent with me was enough. I needed no more and so does she.

"Hello Seth?" A worried-sounding Grace said on the other line.

"She's okay now," I said, understanding her emotions.

I heard her exhale in relief. "I know she is. Are you in the hospital?"

"No, at home. She didn't want to go there."

"What's she doing right now?"

I looked down to her and fought the urge to run my hands over her forehead to sweep the hair out of her face. "She's sleeping."

"Oh," she said.

"Listen, Grace. Can you do me a favor?" I asked as I stood up from the bed and went to the window, looking at the view outside the glass.

"That depends..." she replied.

"It's for Thea's own good," I explained. "Grace, I'm going to distance myself from her and I want you to be my replacement. Fill me in. Make her realize that she doesn't need me--"

"But Seth, she's going to notice if you stay away from her," Grace cut me off. "She's grown used to your presence. She'll be sad, Seth. Especially if this would happen so suddenly."

"We can't do anything about that. But I know she'll get over it soon," I replied.

"Seth, I'm not sure if I can do this..." Grace said.

"Grace, if I keep myself close to Thea, you know what can happen. Things like awhile ago can happen again and again. She'll get hurt because of me."

"Oh, so you care for her."