하나

112 6 11
                                    

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Over the past years, I can say I've been through enough fucked up situations. Who knew I would go through those things this early in my life and still be able to smile? I needed to be strong for myself, I mean who would do it for me if I don't right? I've been dealing with shits myself and I can't even blame the people around me for treating me poorly. One should love thyself first. Seems like I haven't been doing that part, so jokes on me.

Everything was the same. One minute I thought it'd be different, the other learning it would be the same. I wasn't even surprised nowadays and it's scaring the shit out of me. One thing's surely still knocking me offguard, it's the constant changing of situations that still manages to always end up the same everytime— everyone leaves.

Hoseok was one of those constants I have, well semi-constant of you'd really look into it. He was gone for a long time I wasn't even aware he did. Now, here I am on my way to his place late at night and I don't even know why I'm going. What am I even going to do there and why am I nervous? It's like going through the same phase of knowing a new person once again and it's not sitting well with me. Nonetheless, I am still stupidly going.

He's there, waiting for the cab to come to a halt right infront of him. It felt familiar seeing Hoseok again. I watch him open the car door and pays the cab driver. I awkwardly looked at him and thought of how to greet him but nothing comes up. Luckily, he smiled to me first and led me up his unit.

I warily took steps on the stairs and I am nervous as hell. I don't even know what the deal is but that's just how I feel. He opened the door for me and I reluctantly walked in, never really knowing what is in it for me that I really came all the way here.

Once we entered, his lips immediately came in contact with mine that I had to hold onto his forearms to keep myself steady. He lets go and invites me to his bed with him.

I stared at him already getting all comfortable in his bed. I started fiddling with my sleeve and was debating with myself whether I'd go or not. In the end he did successfully had me where he wanted me to be.

We started catching up and told things we had been through when he was away. I realized he still knows the most trivial things there has to remember about me and for some reasonz that ticked me off a bit.

"I'm sorry but I don't believe in marriage nor love anymore," I answered him while I'm lying on my stomach facing him.

He looked at me, maybe he was contemplating on what to say.

"Well, I understand you. You've been through a lot," he finally responded.

That was easy. I thought he'd start a full on debate but I was wrong. I settled for his answer, satisfied at how he chose to respond to my cliché statement.

The night dragged on and I wasn't even aware of the time until he kissed me without any warning.

What was that for?

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