chapter twenty six

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i refuse to acknowledge GOT season 8 episodes 4-6 but who wants to join me in the jon snow hate club

anyway apparently nobody is getting notified that anyone is posting anything lol why do we all use this site
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Camila feels like it's 2012 again.

Lauren is obviously avoiding her. She had been avoiding her before, but it's like it's getting worse over the last few weeks.

Want to go see a movie, babe?

No, sorry, Camz. I'm busy.

Want to come over?

Sorry, Camz. Family time.

Want to spend any time at all with your girlfriend?

Sorry, Camila. I can't right now.

It's the same response, and the thing is, she doesn't even seem sorry about it. It's deliberate avoidance, and Camila knows it's all going to boil over into some kind of argument. She just hopes against all hope that it's not going to be like the one that ended up with them not speaking for four years.

She hasn't felt as bad as she feels for years, and it's what makes her wonder if she and Lauren are good together. Sure, they're good together when Lauren is in a good place, but when she's not, she avoids Camila for long periods of time and refuses to open up when Camila wants to help.

It's all too familiar.

"Look, would you please talk to me?"

"I'm talking to you right now, would you please mind your own fucking business?" Lauren snaps at her, slamming her locker shut, "just leave me alone, Camila."

"Why won't you just tell me the truth?" Camila argues, grabbing Lauren's wrist and pulling the sleeve of her sweater up, exposing the angry red marks up her arm. "I know what you're doing and-"

"And it's none of your business," Lauren pulls her sleeve down and sends her that deadly glare, "now leave me the fuck alone."

"How many drugs are you on right now?" Camila persists, following as Lauren stalks down the corridor. She grabs her by the arm, and Lauren shoves her against the lockers, hard. "Just talk to me! You know I'd never judge you! I just want to help."

"Fuck you. It's my body and my choice." Lauren snarls. "Don't talk to me again."

She doesn't make an effort to; Lauren is the one that shows up at her house later that night, high out of her mind and kissing her hungrily. She leaves just as fast as she shows up, off to some party and out with people she shouldn't be with, and when Camila texts her that night, to ask if she's safe and okay, Lauren reads her message and doesn't reply.

She knows it's not like that now, but it feels like it. She feels like that little fifteen year old who felt so abandoned by her best friend, but it's ten times worse because she knows that Lauren is the love of her life, and that she's her person, and being without her feels like there's a hole in her chest.

She knows Lauren won't come over if she asks. She'll just say she's busy. That means Camila has to go there in person, and as she heads out of the front door and sets off walking, she finds herself wishing she'd learnt to drive.

There's this horrible feeling in her gut as she walks, like she's taking her last walk along death row, the executioner waiting eagerly. If she's having some kind of premonition, she feels like the only possible outcome of her oncoming confrontation would be an argument and a break up, and that's something she desperately doesn't want.

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