To: Spider-Dweeb (P. Parker x Reader)

✆ 𝙰𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚗𝚒𝚍 𝙵𝚊𝚖 ✆

✆ ᏟᎪᏞᏞ ✆
╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗
╚ Bold- peter ╝

Spiderman, Spiderman,
Does whatever a spider can.
Spins a web, any size.
Catches thieves- just like flies.
Look out! Here comes the Spiderman.

Why can't you say hello like a normal person for just once in your life?

Because that's boring...?
Honestly, Peter, I thought you were supposed to be smart
And I wasn't saying hello, I was saying I just saw you swinging overhead

Where'd you even come up with that?

I didn't
I stumbled upon it on YouTube
You know you've made it in life when you have your own theme song
Be proud, Peter

It just seems weird
Why doesn't any other hero have a theme?

Technically, the Avengers do too
It's very catchy
Like, if they had a movie about them, it would be the song associated with badass team up moments and stuff
And during the title card

I feel like you've thought long and hard about this

It's what I do in my spare time
Do you think there's a multiverse where all you superheroes are part of a movie franchise?

Now that you bring it up, probably

I want to visit that universe and watch all the movies

So it's agreed, we're going to find a universal rift to go to that universe

Obviously
Now get your spandex clad ass back down the street so we can begin our search

Please never say that again

I make no promises
I'm by Delmar's
I'll be waiting

Just give me a few minutes
I got an alert about a hostage situation 

Try to make it out alive, Spider-Dweeb
I need my multiverse searching partner
Plus, I don't think anyone would be happy to hear you let yourself get killed

Let myself get killed?
Do you think that low of me?

I've seen you fight
You suck
Obviously you're better than me, but like for a crime fighter you're awful

I'll have you know Natasha has been working with me

My mother is a good woman

She's not your mom, (Y/n)

When I asked her to adopt me she said yes, therefore Natasha Romanoff the kickass Black Widow is my mother
She just needs to sign the adoption papers

You literally have parents!

And her name is Natasha Romanoff
I'm aware, Peter
No stop talking and save some lives

Yeah, yeah
Talk to you when I make it out alive

ᴇɴᴅ ᴄᴀʟʟ

✆ Ｔｅｘｔ✆
╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗
╚     Bold- nat     ╝

I have gathered you here today because I need to prove a point to Peter

I'm surprised you haven't tried to contact any of us in a while
What do you need?

You're my new mother and Peter refuses to believe it

I'm not your actual mom tho
I can see if I could get partial guardianship if that'll help

YES DO THAT PLEASE
Do it! Do it! Do it!

Don't get your hopes up
I'd have to talk to your parents and that might be an issue

So what I'm hearing is that if I can convince them, you'd potentially get partial guardianship over me

If that's what you want

I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART

I'm flattered

One more thing
I need a favor that you might be willing to assist me
Peter's a little shit and refuses to figure out a way for me to met Thor

You want me to ask Thor when he's next available?
I can do that

And this is exactly why you're the best

You like coffee?

I love coffee

Good
I'm going to tell Thor to met the two of us at St Kilda Coffee tomorrow
He said he was coming back to NY tonight

I may or may not be crying tears of joy
I feel so unprepared to meet you two
You guys are like legends

I'm not a legend yet
Thor on the other hand I would consider a legend

I can't believe I'm going to have coffee with two of my favorite people ever!

What about all your friends?

They could go rot for all I care
I love them and all but like IM GETTING COFFEE WITH BLACK WIDOW AND A LITERAL GOD
That's like every child's dream come true

He agreed to met up with the two of us
Your welcome

I'm so going to rub this in Peter's face when he gets back from being Spidey
Thank you so much Natasha!

✆ ᏟᎪᏞᏞ ✆
╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗
╚ Bold- peter ╝

Where are you?
You said you were by Delmar's

I was but then I got sidetracked while texting Natasha and got myself lost
Never mind, I just ran into the dumpster behind Delmar's

Ok, I'm coming

I'm getting coffee with Natasha and Thor tomorrow because they're my new parents
Thor doesn't know it yet, but I'm now his daughter

No you're not

You can ask them yourselves tomorrow
I see you
Turn around, Peter

Well, I guess we don't need to be on this call anymore

Really?
Who would have thought

ᴇɴᴅ ᴄᴀʟʟ