Date Night (DeadPool x ftm!reader)

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Marvel
Extreme language and sexual talk, but it's Deadpool so what the actual fuck were you expecting. 😂
"Eat my ass, y/n!" Wade yelled at me as he stabbed one of the guys who jumped us while we were out on a date. I rolled my eyes and smirked. "Aw. Babe. I would, but people don't like to see that in public. Maybe, when we find a bathroom, you can suck my dick." I growl as one of the guys try to punch me, but I block him.
"The hell are with these guy?! They're like fucking rodents." Wade yells as he takes down another one. "Where are they even coming from?!" He is obviously frustrated as he keeps douging the mens attempts to kill him.
"Wade. I love you. You know that too, but if you keep bitching, I will fucking shove a dildo covered in sand paper and Tabasco sauce down your throat." I threaten and he just laughs. "Aw. You hear that?!" He grabs the guy trying to stab him and with a high pitched voice said, "my husband is a kinky motherfucker. You better watch out." He growled the last part and snapped the man's neck. There was only one left, which his target was me. I was on the other side of the now messy and mostly empty restaurant. I kept douging and trying to fight back but he was quick. I yelped as he stabbed my shoulder. The pain shot through my body and my legs gave in. I grabbed my shoulder trying to stop the pain or blood flooding put of it. He pulled the knife and was about to stab again, most likely in the heart, but his eyes shot open wide and he fell sideways. A pool of his own blood pooled around his body. Wade was right behind him.
"Damn. Why do these assholes always ruin our dates?!" He yells and his picks me up bridal style.
"Because you're a sexy beast and they want you all to themselves." I state, jokingly. Wade ran his fingers through his make believe hair and replied with a "Damn right."
We got home and he helped stitch my shoulder because I don't have super healing powers unlike the asshole I married and also because I don't want to pay a shit ton of money for someone at a shitty hospital to do it. He cut the string and nodded. "Finished." He went to put away all the supplies we used.
"Next time, let's just watch My Little Pony or some gay shit like that in the comfort of our own home. I'm tired of those cunts ruining everything." He sighed. I laughed. "Wade. You literally said the same fucking thing the last three dates."

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