Welcome to New York

Three

He was breathing heavily and panting, as if he ran a hundred miles per hour. I could see sweat beads trickling down on the side of his head. His eyes are bloodshot and his usual piercing blue eyes that I once adore lacked of liveliness. They were dull. The bags underneath his eyes were quite visible.

He looks like as if he didn't slept for days, and from the look of his eyes anyone could tell he had been crying. Crying, like he just saw a loved one passed away before his very eyes. Loved one. Clearly, I'm not one of those to him.

Once he catched his breath and he was back to breathing normally, he wiped the sweat, that were continuously streaming down, with the back of his hand. He regained his posture and he was back to his usual charismatic self, that can fool anyone and make any girl swoon. I furrowed my brows at him and crossed my arms and positioned them on my chest.

I wanted to scream, yell and shout at him. I wanted to slap his face and tell him how dare he do such a thing, when I've been nothing but good to him. I wanted to do all sorts of things, I wanted him to feel the pain I was feeling. I wanted to let him know what it feels like to be heartbroken and feel betrayed.

But, I somehow I couldn't find myself to do it. It was like I still feel pity him, which I know I shouldn't be feeling at all.

Instead, I just gave him a stern look, trying not to flash any kind emotion on my face. I wouldn't want to show that I've been crying over him. I don't want him to show I'm weak and I don't want to let him think that my walls have been torn and broken down.

Because that isn't the case, I kept my guard and walls up since last night and I'm planning to keep it up when I move to New York.

I raised a brow at him to simply gesture and say what is he doing here, and he seems to get the message when he replied,

"Taylor, I know you're mad—"

Before he could even finish what he was about to say, I let out a scoff and rolled my eyes at him. He thinks I'm mad? Just mad? How could he just come here and knock at my apartment door and say 'I know you're mad?' Unbelievable.

"Mad? I think that's an understatement, don't you think?" I said, cutting him off and left his sentence trailing at the tip of his tongue.

"I know, that's why I came here to—"

"Came here to, what? Apologize, Again? And you really think I'll give you another one of your chances? Don't you think that's too much?" I said, not letting my stern tone waver from my sentence.

"Taylor, please just listen to me for a second—" He pleaded, his eyes were gazing into mine but I wouldn't let that fool me. He may look apologetic, but that's how he always looks like when he apologizes.

"Listen to what, Calvin? Listen to your lame excuse that everything was an accident? I saw it with my own two eyes, I saw what happened back at your apartment, I saw how your eyes were filled with lust with every touch that you made and I saw that you didn't even thought about me, you didn't gave a single fuck about what you were doing. And now, you're here to tell me to 'listen' to you?" I said and laughed without humour at the last part of my sentence.

Honestly, just by looking at his face, I already feel nauseous. It just sickens me to know that he's been touching another girl during our relationship.

And the question inside my head that's been bothering me since last night is still left unanswered. Why did he did that? Didn't he felt guilty? Didn't he felt a single ounce of remorse for what he did? Not even a little?

Well, I guess congrats to him for making it through without feeling any guilt or shame. And honestly, it hurts when you finally realized that you arent as important to someone as you thought you were.