Hunting Sunsets

Twenty Three

I could feel that there was something wrong from the second I walked out of the locker room. My feet stalled on the carpeted floor of the reception area, Siya not noticing as she texted Troy on her phone. I automatically caught sight of Smith sitting on one of the grey couches facing a coffee table, eyes fixated on the courts below. Never once had Smith met me at practice without previously planning to take me somewhere. There was a sinking feeling in my stomach, especially when Smith saw me and stood up.

Siya stopped walking and looked up as the volleyball captain approached me, flashing a small smile at both of us. "Hey, Si," he nodded before turning his pupils to me. "Can I talk to you for a second?" There was a twinge of seriousness in his voice that made me dread whatever he was about to say even more.

"Sure," I drawled almost hesitantly, glancing at Siya. Something inside of me knew this would be a longer conversation than I anticipated. "You can go ahead. I'll catch up with you and Troy for dinner later."

There was a hesitant look on Siya's face, her full eyebrows pulled together slightly. Her hazel toned eyes darted between the two of us before nodded reluctantly. "Okay, I'll see you later, I guess." When the tennis player disappeared out of the lobby, my attention turned back to Smith as he gestured for me to start walking. I did as he wanted, suspiciously eyeing the side of his angular face.

He held the glass door open for me, taking my tennis bag from me to carry it. Smit didn't speak at first, instead letting the two of us stroll on the greens of the campus before I spoke up, my own awkwardness killing me. "You never wait for me after practice," I observed thoughtfully in the pink tinted sunset.

"I wanted to talk to you alone and lately we haven't been seeing much of each other," his deep voice replied easily. Smith was what you pictured when you thought of a sexy voice, all seduction and husk but not too raspy or raw. The park around us was empty, with most students getting dinner or going out for the night.

"Let's sit," I suggested, my legs still sore from my double practice today. Smith nodded in agreement, taking his left hand through his silky black hair as I moved off the sidewalk to side against the base of a tree, facing the inside of the green. Smith sat next to me, both of us taking off our red Under Armor Stanford backpacks. It wasn't until I leaned it against the trunk that I realized I was using Smith's from last year which I had taken after the night we spent together last week. The white letters of his last name were printed on the back, standing out against the deep maroon fabric and grey lining.

"There is obviously something bothering you," I murmured, crossing my ankles in front of my stretched out legs. Smith did the same, his size twelve black sneakers contrasting my small women's eight. It was impossible not to feel tiny next to the giant volleyball player. Sometimes height differences were too much in my opinion, but I couldn't help but feel like Smith and I fit together perfectly. "What is it?"

"Did you and Owen have sex last week?" The question stunned me for a moment because I certainly hadn't expected that from Smith, especially this long after. I'd seen Smith numerous times after that party and not once had he brought the subject up.

I turned an looked up at him almost incredulously. "You waited for me after practice to ask me that?"

"Can you just answer the question?" Smith muttered to himself in a mildly annoyed tone, looking across the grass instead of at me.

"I kissed him to get Jade and Jake off our asses. He followed me inside, not the other way around," I paused, trying to figure out how I should continue. I didn't want to sound harsh, especially considering that I was the one that wanted him and not the other way around. "I wasn't lying before. Jenna was the last person I hooked up with beside you." That was in the beginning of August and it was almost Christmas. "But that's not what's bothering you. You've never cared about who I've had sex with before. Why now?"

"Maybe things have changed for me, or maybe they've always been like this and I was just too stupid to realize what I had before it was gone." Suddenly I didn't feel so trapped in my own head sitting next to Smith. It seemed that he was thinking the same damn thing as me and I honestly couldn't tell you if that made this better or worse. It was like knowing what could have been had a real shot at working, but there was always once piece of the fantasy that stopped everything from falling into place. "Would he really even be that mad after a few months? He's my best friend; I don't doubt he'd be pissed at first but wouldn't he come around?"

"I don't think Jake comes around to anything," I exhaled tiredly. "What else do we have, Smit? He's your best friend and he's my brother. What happens when we lose him?"

"I'm not saying we tell your brother to go fuck himself, but we've got each other, don't we?" Smith asked, taking right my hand in his exponentially larger and stronger one. "Your girlfriend breaks up with you because you chose me over her. Five days ago you all but told me you loved me, and I said the same to you then we had probably the most intimate sex of our lives and you expect me to just forget about that?" The way Smith asked me the rhetorical question struck my heart strings with guilt, but I knew deep down we could never be together. That didn't stop my mind from pulling the memories from that night to the forefront of my brain.

I couldn't erase the way Smith had kissed me from my head. It was like the slow and tender act was painted on my eyelids to remind me every time I blinked that Smith had my heart. Never had he kissed me like that, and never had he looked at me below him with so much adoration and hunger as opposed to just lust. Every movement and slow stretch felt like we were trying to savor each other, like it was the last taste of a delicacy we would never see again.

Smith Kyoh was a delicacy; one I couldn't afford even if I was the richest person in the world. 

I wanted to smell his woodsy scent when his arms wrapped around my chest and taste his fresh skin on my tongue as I teased him. I wanted to feel his fingers intertwined with mine and not have to worry who might see us. I wanted to look at Smith Kyoh and know I was his, not just some girl in his bed and his clothes.

With the way my back arched under his body and how Smith kissed my salty tears fresh in my mind, I looked up at the world renowned volleyball player with heavy eyes. I was frantically searching for the right words but none of the ones coming to my consciousness seemed to be strong enough to describe my thundering feelings of conflict. Smith must have been more well versed then I was, because he took over speaking for me. "I'm not Noah. Jake has to know that. I've known you for three years, Maeve, and not once have either one of us hurt the other the way Jake fears. If the only reason he doesn't want us to be happy is because he thinks I'm like your ex, then I'm not sure I want to be friends with someone who thinks so lowly of me, not matter how much I love them."

I didn't blame Smith in the slightest. Being compared to my ex was one of the most hurtful things a person could do. I could never imagine Smith like Noah; there was no doubt in my mind he would never treat me like anything other than royalty, but wasn't everyone capable of horrible things? That's the irrational fear my brother was running from.

"Give me a chance, Maeve. I know it could work. I know you think it could work. Give us a chance." His mocha toned eyes were pleading with me as his right hand brushed the side of my cheek softly. I wanted to go to bed at night knowing Smith and I were are united as we could be. I want to know that we were in love and no one else could have either one of us.

I wanted to be happy with him but I couldn't.

My voice cracked as my eyes started to water, my free left hand whipping my delicate skin. "I love you, Smith but I don't know exactly in what way yet. All I know is I'm being torn in two directions and I just want you to be happy. Picking a fight with your best friend and alienating my brother isn't the way to start a relationship. Find another girl to make you smile, because right now I can't and I don't think I ever will be able to."

The normally stone cold, confident Korean athlete suddenly looked like I had punched him in the face. The hurt in his eyes barreled through me with more strength than Jade's rejection ever could. "I wouldn't be risking everything if I thought someone else could make me smile the way you do, Maeve." His haunting voice echoed in my head as his touch dropped from my skin, standing from the grass and slugging his backpack over his shoulder.

"I hope you know how much pain loving you causes."

I think I have a pretty good idea, Smith. A pretty fucking good idea.

We're just over halfway through guys! I can't wait for the next 20 chapters they're a roller coaster! Sorry in advance ❤️