Chapter 3- Tears and Acting

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For a second after i wake up the next morning I cant remember why my face is covered with stale tear or why my whole family is sleeping in my bed. But only for a second. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. After the pain of rejection by the one person the fates assigned to love me returns new tears follow the the trails the old ones left.

Mates are supposed to love each other. You rarely hear of a werewolf that's lost their mate, because most of them commit suicide or die of heart break. Its feels like your being beaten from the inside out. Mates are your other half.... in a way living with out them is like living with out a lung. The only thing is donors are harder to find. I suddenly envy Noah and Angela for being given the chance. They dont even know how lucky they are.

I dont know how Dad coped when Mom left, this pain is unbearable. But this just proves how strong he is. We really do take him for granted.

Dad stirs in his sleep. Lazily he opens one eye. Only to find me curled up in my blankets sitting in the far corner of my bed, once again silently crying. He sits up and looks at me, sympathy brimming in his eyes. I feebly try to wipe the tears out of my eyes as they are still flowing. Neither of us speak only because we don't know what to say.

One by one my sibling begin to wake. 'Till we are all just sitting on my queen sized bed. Not talking, hardly moving and I can feel every ones eyes on my tears as they drip on to the bed. I dont make eye contact. I find my self staring at my comforter, wishing it would just swallow me and take me away from this awkward silence.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Jess open her mouth as if to try and comfort me again. That is so not going to happen. Before anyone can say anything about it am I running down the stairs and in to the bathroom. I jump in the shower and wait until the conversation outside the bathroom door has ended before considering getting out. The second i turn off the water they heard around the door having a conversation smilier to the one they had minutes ago.

"What do you think we should do" says Charlie

"I could try talking to her." volunteers Jess.

"I believe that I would be better fit for that job." says Noah and once again I envy him for his loving mate.

"No, you would just mess it up and then make her cranky with the rest of us." Says Jess sticking up for herself...well there's a first time for everything. I wrap the towel around me and open the door three shocked faces look at me almost guilty about being caught. I force a smile and walk up to my room. Once I have gotten ready for the day I make a myself a vow. I will not cry over him again, when I'm asked I will force a smile and say that I'm fine. Fake it until you make it.

Step one of my charade; convince my family that I'm fine that last night I just snapped. So as I'm walking down the stairs I paste a smile on my face and walk into the kitchen where my sibling are still debating on who will be my pity party. They look dumbfound as I prance over and grab strip of bacon and cram it into my mouth. I lean with my back up against the counter as I'm chewing looking at them.

When I fear that a fly might fly into there gaping mouths I say "What?" internally cringing as my charade almost gave way..... I never know that I could be such a great actor. When none of them answer me I shrug my shoulders and walk outside and inhale deeply then to go and do my barn chores. Almost a half an hour pasted before they finally sentenced someone to be a pity party member, well two someone's.

Reeve and Charlie walk up to the door of the tack room where I'm attempting to clean a old saddle. I look up at them and say

"Hey whats up?" They both look at each other before inching in through the door way. Reeve clears his throat signalling Charlie to start the conversation.

"Ry-" he starts before I cut him off

"Guys i'm fine. Last night I just kinda snapped...." I when I say that last bit I don't throw out a forced smile I know that they will see right though that. Instead I frown, as if to say that I'm not impressed with my actions.

"Ryan you seemed really hurt.... " says Reeve.

But Charlie has already moved on to a much more uncomfortable topic. "I for one think we should hunt him down and make sure he knows down much he's missing." Grumbles Charlie. This time its harder to hide my cringe. Both of their head snap in my direction as a bit of my charade crumbles.

"Guys....He's still my mate." I whisper. even through I wanted it to come out as strong and uncaring but it come out as weak and almost trembling. So I sit up and shrug my shoulders.

"Dad was right Ryan, you deserve so much better." Says Carlie look me in the eye looking for any signs of a cringe that would indicate that I am lying about my feelings for him. This is when I force a smile and nod. I scrub the saddle a little bit harder.

After awhile of uncomfortable small talk they seem satisfied with my lies.....I hate lying to them. But right now I cant think of another thing to do. So I was not surprised that not minutes after they had left yet another sibling came in....But this one i was more willing to open up too.

Jess sands in the door way and watches me do my work for a bit then trys to start a conversation. "So there's a party tonight." I look up after getting some more saddle cleaner.

"Oh?" I say glad that she didn't start off with 'are you okay?' like everyone else.

"Yeah, at Joel's place, the rest of us are going...." she lets her sentence trail off.

I smile and say "Taking a page out of Reeves book are you?" She laughs Reeve is always leaving sentences unfinished. Then I remember about her break up.

"Hey are you okay?" I ask "You know about Max?" She shrugs.

"I guess so, He's not 'the one'....it was just.... strange like seriously why? But back on to subject at hand." she says, directing her attention back to me.


"Huh?" I say confused.

"Come on Ry, it will be fun!" she says her smile growing.

"What will be fun?" I answer her look at her thinking thats she's lost her marbles.

"The party!" she replies. "Please come with us Ry! Please you've only ever been to one party like ever."

I cringe as I remember that night..... I vowed that I will never drink in a public place ever again. I rarely drink as it is. Since we turned Dad's lets us have a drink on some very special days of the year. Because we're werewolves we have a higher tolerance for alcoholic beverages than most. So I can swig moonshine instead of beer, unlike most teenagers.

"I dont know Jess.... I don't really do that kinda thing..." I find a patch of dust pasted on to the stirrup leather and scrub harder.

"I think it would be good.... after yesterday." She whispers that last part. I groan because knowing her I will and up going to this Party because of one of her guilt trips... Yippie.

"Ah Jess please dont make me do this." I say shaking my head not looking at her.

"So were leaving at 7 so I'll be in your bedroom to help you get ready at 5:45." after that she skips off out of the barn leaving me there wondering about how I got roped in to this.

A few hours later Jess was playing make up artist with my face...Sometimes I where cover up but only when i have really bad acne days. So the majority of this stuff being applied on my face is foreign to me. But according to Jess I look stunning. Then she does my hair... With some kind of meddle iron bar. But when if falls back on to my back I admit I think it looks pretty cool.

"So what do you think?" asks Jess as we stand front of her full lengh mirror. Jess looks stunning in her girly attire and perfectly done make up. And I.... well Jess did a great job. I look nothing like my self. My face looks older and flawless I'm wearing Jeans and a white flowing top and my hair is curled and it frames my face and because of the curly style it looks shorter and I think I look great!

"Jess I love it". I say with a smile. And I give her a hug. She giggles as our brothers knock on her door. They look very handsome but their cool smiles vanish and their eyes pop out as they see us. Or more so me, covered in make up, dressed like a girl and with my hair in a girly style.

"Wow...." they all say in unison.

"Take a picture cause this is a first and last for me." I say only to have 3 phones taking pictures of me.

"Ryan I didnt know that you could be a girl..." says Noah. Only then did I see Angela on his arm, dressed up for the occasion.

"Yeah what happened to the girl we saw this morning" Says Charlie. And i cringe thinking about the rejection and my wolf howls in pain again. I hoped that they wouldn't notice.... They did. Noah walks forward and leans in to hug me. I duck under his arms and glare at him. Only having one thought going though my mind. "Don't think about him."

"I dont think I'm going to go." I say feeling a bit of my act disappear. Then a walk out of the room despite their worried faces I just cant do it. So I walk up stairs to my bedroom and take off my girly outfit and get in to a pair of old sweets. Then grab a hair tie and yank my hair up to a lose bun on the top of my head. I pick up a headband from the floor and put it on.

Then walk down the stairs with my outfit which I drop off in Jess's room and go and wash my face. When I walk out of the bathroom all traces of make up gone from my face I drag my feat up to my room. Where I am greeted my 5 people who should be at a party.

"Why are you guys still here?" I ask with a sigh. Looking at them my body language saying that I dont want to be disturbed.

"Ry we aren't going to the party anymore." says Jess who seemed disappointed.

"May i ask why not? Just a couple of hours ago you were all going on about how much fun this party was going to be." I know I'm being cranky but right now I dont care.

"We're staying here for you. So that you aren't going to spend another night crying your self to sleep." Growls Charlie. I internally cringe, that one hit home.

"Well when you are rejected by your mate and are being smothered by your sibling then you tell me how hard it is not to cry. And I never wanted to go to the stupid party in the first place, you did so by all means leave go have fun." I cross my arms and glare at them.

"I can see right through your act. I have all day it the same one you used when-" says Charlie Or thats all he got the chance to say until Dad cut him off.

"What is going on here?" He directs that question at no one in particular, so no one answers.

"Ryan I thought you were going to the party too." He says turning to face me.

"Plans changed. I'm going to stay home tonight." I say sending him a mental message at the same time. "Dad I cant do this....please dont make me." He nods and then turns to the rest of them.

"Guys go out to the party tonight. Ryan and I have some plans." I smile. Charlie seems reluctant to leave but not 10 minutes later its just Dad and I in the house. Dad and I go out to the deck and sit. Listening to the frogs in the swamp at the end of the field. I inhale just like i did this morning.



A/N- Hey Sorry it took so long to upload :) Hey sorry i had to upload twice the first time it posted with no spaces.... :( Hey sorry I keep editing the whole space thing bugs me. :)

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