Nostalgia | Dazai Osamu

34 | Strive

Dazais P.O.V

I sat alone in unsettling silence, the three screens in front of me illuminating the darkness of the office a faded neon turquoise. I had set up for my role in this mission, deserted in the lower levels of the Agency, hoping to find our lost new member. Being far away from everyone was better this way- no one to invade on my concentration, and no one to invade on. I could focus on what was important.

I adjust the headset that closely sat snug around my ears, my eyes run across the screens that scanned Yokohama for the plane Kyoūka was presumably trapped inside. I could imagine the wait I would have to sit through since an ample amount of planes had rushed in and out of Yokohama already today. I hadn't managed to find which exact plane after my talk with Ango, just hours before the invasion caused by Francis and Agent Q. (I'm not sure if this was added in). His information was pretty scant for what I needed, but it would have to do. My arm has now healed from the crash, free from the tight grasp of a cast in which I ran my hand down impatiently.

My eyes landed to the small digits on top of the screen.

15:37

An hour had passed since Atushi and Tanzanakis departure to the Moby Dick, hidden in the Yokohama sky. So far, I hadn't had a single update on Atsushis' progression in this risky mission, in which I was also waiting for. He could still be flying in the helicopter with Tanzanaki, he could be inside the Moby Dick right now, there could have been a problem, he could be in trouble...

Or he could have eyes on her.

I sighed out loud in distress just at the thought of (Y/n). My stomach twisted the dread that filled me every time I thought of her. Frustrations kicked inside of me as I remembered how I failed at keeping her safe- the simplest of things. I knew Francis was loose, I knew that the possibility of her being ripped from my grasps was there. How could I be so stupid?

I slammed my hand on the desk, hard, teeth grinding. The monitors shook on their stands, green numbers still dashing down the screen. I never heard the echo through my noise counselling headset, but I could imagine it flew into every corner.

I hang my head in shame. How could I possibly let the Guild take her?! Why did I leave her on her own that night?

Why did I have to fail her again?

What would she think of me this time?

I sat in more silence as my mind wandered to her... now desperate for Atsushis call.

I pulled out a thin and old piece of photographic paper from my top pocket and caressed the edges with delicate touches. It was a Polaroid from four years ago- Mafia me bandaged and bruised, (Y/n) kissing my cheek with her eyes sweetly shut and Chuuya in the distance chugging his fifth can of beer. The photo was taken by me inside the Mafia Bar when we were celebrating Chuuya and mines first successful enemy organisation knock-out. As I stared at the picture, especially the wide grin on my face, that day started to come back to me... Gin, Higuchi, Tachihara, Kyoūka and Kajii even attended. Tachihara kept trying to out number Chuuya on bottles of beers they drink but miserably failed, passing out twice that night. Chuuya could always hold a drink, so Tachihara was doomed from the beginning of his stupid idea.

I didn't realise until I had stopped thinking about that day that a smile was pulling at the edges of my lips.

I place the photo of (Y/n) and me against the monitor stand, directly in front of me. A warm ember of happiness and well spent memories beside me, no longer making me feel alone.