Reject (mxm)

Chapter Four: Ruari

pix of Ruari's special place ----->

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Rothe is upset. He's trying not show it but I could feel it just the same.

Calm down. I said gently.

It was my idea to go back but now that my head's clear I don't think this situation would be good for you.

Why?

He affected me. Him and his wolf, having them close clouded my judgment. What if they plan to hurt you again? What was I thinking telling you to go back? I'm sorry Ruari. I was weak and...

Don't worry they affected me too. I confessed. Nothing bad will happen. I'll protect you, I promise.

That's exactly what I'm worried about! He growled angrily. You spent 16 years of your life alone, keeping me safely hidden. I don't like going back to the place where they tortured you while I was kept safe, protected from the knowledge of it!

I know he hasn't forgiven me for keeping him dormant for years, not for dominating the 'space' we share but because I never asked for his help and he hasn't forgiven himself for allowing it to happen.

We got to know each other thoroughly through the years. It was like having a long lost friend and we talked about anything, to catch up as much as possible. I keep no secrets from him. When Rothe asked me about what happened while he was sleeping I held nothing back. I told him everything.

After he learned the truth about our past, Rothe kept me tucked on the side for days while he stayed on the surface, on guard and suspicious of everything and everyone. It was the only time he pushed me aside and consciously took over my body without my consent.

Rothe is more lenient than other wolves. He doesn't claw at me when he wants something. He doesn't demand, he asks. Aside from the occasional scratch when he gets too annoyed, we always talk about what we need and often agree on what's best for both of us.

I'm sorry Rothe.

What for?

For keeping things from you, for denying your existence, for being weak willed... take your pick, I don't mind.

He chuckled and I felt him settle down, finally calm.

It wasn't your fault. And you are not weak! You wanted to keep me safe, untouched and unspoiled by them. I'm only sorry I wasn't there for you while you endured it all. But I'm here now and I'd kill anyone who tries to hurt you. I mean anyone!

I felt a tug in my heart and glanced at Ciaran who was casually seated beside me. I know I hate him for what he said to me five years ago but do I really want Rothe to kill him if he steps out of line? The answer is no. I might not like being mated to him but Ciaran has hundreds of wolves that look to him for guidance and support. It would be cruel to relieve them of his presence just because I was cruelly rejected.

I stiffened when I noticed we've entered the Moonscape's pack lands. Visions of my childhood flashed on my mind. I had to violently shake my head to clear the unwelcome thoughts. I took deep calming breaths and focused on the things that made me happy on this place rather than what had traumatized me.

"Stop the car," I told Ciaran. He turned to glare at me but I ignored him. "I won't run. I just want to see something."

He looked unconvinced but ordered the driver to pull over. I stepped out of the vehicle and started for the woods. I could feel Ciaran following not far behind me, watching. I kept on walking and tried not to mind him.