Touched By You

"I missed her...and you and everyone."

"This is weird," The younger of the two spoke with curious eyes cast at the woman before her. "You know that, right?"

"It really doesn't have to be."

"We're married."

"We're separated." Lauren clarified, letting her words settle between them for a moment. "I'm asking you to be my friend, Camila."

"We've never really been friends, Lauren."

"Exactly," The green-eyed girl waved over the waitress and ordered herself a coffee before looking to Camila for what she'd like. The waitress took their order and rushed off, but not before stopping one of her colleagues to point out that the pair were sitting in their place of work. "I think we would actually be really good friends."

"I'm with Vero, Lauren."

"Hey, I'm not here to mess with that." The older girl was quick to alleviate any of her wife's concerns. "Camila, I don't expect you to leave her and come back to me, trust me, I understand why you wouldn't. I'm here with no expectations. If you decide you can't try friendship with me, I'll respect that. But you're still an intricate part of my life and I don't want to lose you, so I'll take friendship with you and I'll find a way to work through your new relationship."

"With Vero, Lauren," Camila emphasised. "Is that something you think you can really work through?"

"Camila, you managed to keep civility with me and I knew you knew about Ash, the least I owe you is to let you be happy...with whoever you choose."

Their orders arrived a moment later and Camila took a hearty sip from her cup of tea before looking over the rim at Lauren. Admittedly, Lauren looked good. She looked like she had control and she looked at ease as she sat. She didn't have her shoulders hunched and there were no signs of a frown so Camila concluded that Lauren was being sincere.

"I'm not going anywhere again, Camila," Lauren surprised her by saying. "I'm actually working on a manuscript at the moment."

"You're writing?"

"Yeah," The older girl offered her wife a lopsided smile. "Kind of putting my heart and soul into it."

"What's it about?"

"My life," Lauren eyed her black coffee with a little too much concentration for a moment. "You, Lucy...everything really."

"And autobiography...that's very revealing...for you."

"I literally can't hide in the shadows anymore," Lauren eyed their waitress and Camila followed her gaze to find the girl snickering with her work friend and glancing at them every so often. "I put myself in the fucking limelight."

"I understand, you know? Why you did it. I get it." The brunette spoke softly. "You nearly beat the shit out of Justin that first day because he touched my leg, you hate the superiority of patriarchy and I should have seen this coming."

"I couldn't be the wife you needed and be the person I needed to be all those months back." The older girl sighed. "And the person I was back then was angry, I was livid. I wanted to burn every gun in this country, I wanted to punch every entitled white guy in the face, I wanted to castrate every rapist in the world. Everything I did was fuelled by my anger and need to bring all that shit into the public, to make it known. I hated how something would happen and then a few months later we'd sweep it under the rug." Lauren sat back in her chair and crossed her arms. "I won't let racism and prejudice be swept under the rug again. I won't let what Emma Gonzalez says be swept under the rug and I won't let Alexandria stand alone in her fight for change."

"But you're not angry anymore."

"No, I'm not," Lauren nodded, still baffled by how easily Camila could read her. "I'm determined now. I can't promise that I'll stop this fight because I don't think I can ever make that promise, Camila, but I can promise I'll include all of you in the front-lines with me this time."

Camila set her cup down and looked over the raven-haired girl, seeing the certainty in her eyes and knowing that despite it all, she would still support Lauren in what she was doing. Because it wasn't ever about what Lauren was doing, Camila believed what Lauren was doing was good, but it was that she couldn't be included in it. Lauren wanted to do it alone without her out of fear that she'd be hurt.

"What changed?" The brunette voiced.

"I woke up one morning and realised I couldn't relay a certain memory to anyone I know because they hadn't experienced it with me. Not like you have or Vero or Dinah...or any of the other girls. I felt like such a fucking idiot, because here I was trying to protect you guys by making sure you don't get caught up in all that but...that's not my call." The older girl ran a hand through her hair and sighed. "You guys should've been there with me, I should've let you be. I am so fucking sorry, Camila, you have to know that."

"You never asked for divorce papers," The younger girl broached and anxiety flowed through her words.

"You want to get divorced?" This caught Lauren off guard because she hadn't even entertained the idea of a divorce for half a second.

"Do you?"

"No," Lauren shook her head, her eyes revealing panic for the first time in their conversation and her hand clenching on the table. "No, Camila, I really fucking don't."

"And what if I did?"

"Do you?" Divorce to Lauren meant the end, it meant neither of them saw a way to work this out ever again. Divorce meant Lauren would lose Camila forever. Divorce meant that despite everything she'd achieved...it wouldn't mean a single fucking thing because Camila wouldn't be there any longer.

"No," The younger girl confessed softly before sitting back in her own seat. "But we're kind of failing at this marriage thing."

"Look, Camila," The green-eyed girl leaned forward on the table and locked her eyes with the familiar chocolate ones before her. "From here on out, however we do this, it's up to you. I respect what you have with Vero and I promise I won't make things difficult for you. I want to be in your life, Camz, I want to prove to you that I deserve to be."

"How many times do we have to go around in a circle for us to realise that maybe it's a cycle we both have to break?"

"Maybe the point isn't to break it." Lauren said softly, not really sure Camila even caught it.

"I need time, Lauren." The younger girl decided. "And I need to talk to Vero because I really fucking care about her and I won't hurt her."

"Like I said," The raven-haired girl nodded. "This is completely up to you."

"Where are you staying?"

"With Mani. I was gonna get my own place but living alone...it sucks. Besides, she loves Leo and he loves any kind of affection."

"She told me she'd slam the door in your face if you ever came back." Camila smiled softly before dropping her head to hide it.

"She stayed true to her word," Lauren rolled her eyes. "She's still acting like kind of a bitch but I'll let it slide cause I was sort of the worst best friend."

"She missed you." Camila shrugged.

"I missed her...and you and everyone."

The younger girl nodded, feeling her phone buzz in her pocket before retrieving it to find a message from Vero asking her if she should bother cooking or if they'd just order in and watch rom-coms till they fell asleep on the couch. It made Camila smile, a gentle one that Lauren could really appreciate being displayed on her face.

"I've got to go," Camila spoke after replying to message. She stood up swiftly. "I'll call you, okay? But I need time to think."

"I'm still on the same number." The older girl shrugged, her eyes taking in every single inch of the younger girl as if she'd never see her again. And when Camila went to leave, Lauren couldn't help but stop her. "Hey, Camila," Because she couldn't let her just walk away just yet. "I'm glad she makes you smile...you still have the most beautiful fucking smile."