Pen to Paper [N.H.]

2.3 - Immersion - Saturday

Niall's POV

It's been three days since the last time I've seen Clo, and I have officially lost it. I don't get it. I hung out three times, two days. Why do I miss her? I hate this. This has to stop. Why did I tell her to come here? I mean yeah I want to impress her with my cooking skills, and yeah I am too tired and lazy maybe even slightly hungover to actually get out of the house. But I shouldn't be feeling like this. I shouldn't be excited to see her and I definitely shouldn't be missing her. I'm not letting this happen. 

A knock on the door snaps me out of my momentary freakout. I check the time on my phone. 12:01 PM! How is it noon already! I quickly get out of my bed, throw on the first shorts and T-shirts I see and run to the door. She's here!

'Hi! Please come on in! Sorry, I lost track of time I was still in bed.'

I let her in, leading her to the sitting room. I lean on the door frame while she's standing in front of the piano, admiring the big framed picture above it.

'I'll tidy myself up quickly. Please make yourself comfortable. Do you want some tea?'

Why am I so nervous! Seriously, mate! Keep it together!

'Yes please, thank you! I mean it's June! It's supposed to be summer! Why is it so cold and raining!'

And that's when I noticed that it rained on her and she's wet. I guess I was too caught up in myself I missed that.

'Did it rain on you? Don't you have an umbrella? You'll get sick if you stay in these clothes! At least dry your hair! You can borrow my hairdryer'

'Ni, relax! It's fine, it's just water. It's almost completely dry anyway. It's okay. Just go do whatever you have to and then let's start working.'

'Are you sure?'

'Yes! Go!'

'Alright, be back in 5!'

Chloe's POV

I walk around the room, admiring every little detail over it, all the framed pictures, all the different objects placed on the shelves on either side of the giant TV. I've seen it on his Insta stories I knew it was big but seeing it in real life, it's really gigantic! I've never seen anything like it! I make sure I don't touch anything, and I carefully sit by the edge on the left corner of the equally big U shaped couch.

'Sorry, about that! So how are you?' He asks, placing the hot cup of tea on the table in front of me and then sitting on the other side of the corner.

'I'm okay... Are you though? You seem a little stressed and all over the place. What's up?'

'Yeah, I just have a lot on my mind right now. Just dealing with some stuff.'

'Yeah, you said that last time too. Anything I can help you with?'

'Well, you can distract me. And maybe get some work done today?'

'Hey, it was your idea to not work when we were out on Tuesday!' I complain.

'Yeah, I know.' He takes a sip of his tea, and then asks, 'So what do you want to talk about today?'

I take my notebook out and prepare myself to start writing whatever he has to say.

'Let's continue talking about flicker. I want to go more into the details of the songs. I don't want to go through the songs that are taken from personal experiences. I'm not sure if we're going to open the love life subject here or not, so let's put a pin on that for now. Tell me about the other songs. Like Mirrors. The ones that came from a concept in your mind.'

'Well, the way mirrors started, I was out in a coffee shop in town somewhere, and I saw this girl in the corner, and I don't know, to me, she kinda looked upset or whatever. She was alone, looking sad or lonely or something and then this waiter came and he made her laugh really out loud and it made me look over, it sparked something up in my head, I wrote it down on my phone, then a few months later, I picked it up, made a story out of it, put it into a song.'

'Okay, but that's the story everyone knows. I'm gonna need a little more. The story you imagined and wrote. What was the process, how did it become what it is now.'

'Alright. The idea was, I wanted to write a song that is not about me. A song that any listener could relate to. Like you're listening and be like "yupp I know how that feels"... And I know a lot of people struggle within themselves, and sometimes they feel like they're alone.'

He pauses a little, I look at him he seems hesitant as if he's choosing his words carefully. I look into his eyes, hoping it would give him a certain reassurance. Then he continues his story and I continue noting.

'They may have no one to lean on, to support them, to help them feel better, or just be there generally. And maybe they do have people, friends, but they're still missing that special someone. They just want to feel loved like in those movies or something. Even if they don't want to admit it to themselves. It's okay. We all fall in a moment of vulnerability and loneliness. And sometimes we just need this type of connection with a person. We all need love. It's okay.'

He stops talking again. I finish making my notes and look back up. He's looking away, so feeling how difficult this is on him, I put my hand above his, and with a gentle squeeze, he looks back at me.

He clears his throat and continues, 'Anyway I'm rambling. Point is, the song is written from that person's point of view, the person who's suffering, who doesn't want to be alone anymore. So I just created this story and made it into a song to let them know that they're not alone. I just thought it would be relevant and I don't know, hope it would help a little maybe?'

I finish writing down, and then I look up back to him. Is it just me or is he sitting closer than he was before?

'Umm, yeah' I clear my throat, 'I'm sure it helped a lot of people. So any other -'

'Wait can I ask you a question? But it's okay if you don't want to answer. I don't want to upset you again.'

I look at him suspiciously, closing the notebook and putting it aside. I turn more facing him and nod.

'With what you told me the other day... I told this story a hundred times before, but that's the first time that it affected me like that. I guess, maybe that's the first time I tell it to a person fully knowing that they've been through something like that. So I guess my question is... Was I... my music... Did it help in any way?'

I smile sweetly at him, 'One day, not too long ago, I was on the tube. It was a long day. And I haven't been okay for a few days. But the thing is with me the last year or two, I'm not sure if I don't let myself or I simply just can't... I just don't cry. Well rarely. And for days just feelings have been bottling up inside and I just never do anything about it. Anyway, so I was on the tube, listening to music. I knew I needed to cry, I knew I wanted to. But I just don't let the tears come out. So any sad song that came on I'd just skip it. But then Flicker came on, and I just couldn't get myself to skip it. I mean I know I generally feel guilty skipping your songs because I love them so much, but Flicker is simply unskippable. So I listened to it, and I couldn't hold back anymore. I started crying. By the end of the song, I just felt much better. So yes Ni. You helped me. A lot. And thank you for that.'

Telling this story no one but Izz knows about... Again, I couldn't help it. My eyes water and one tear slip out. Of course, I hold it together. Don't want to be crying in front of Niall. But one tear managed to escape. And he, almost instinctively, put his hand on my cheek, wipe the tear off, then gently pulls my face towards his, and just leaves a little kiss, on my forehead and then hugs me.

Finally, before letting go, he whispers, 'I'll always be here to help you when needed.' 

'Thank you.' I mumble.

I turn away, avoiding his concerned gaze. Looking over at the table, I notice two empty tea cups. So I stand up, place them back into the tray, which I pick up. I turn back to Niall.

'Kitchen?'

He quickly gives me directions and follows me there.