Pictures I'm living through for now
Trying to remember all the good times
Our life was cutting through
So loud
Memories are playing in my dull mind
I hate this part
Paper hearts
And I'll hold a piece of yours
Don't think I would just forget about it
Hoping that you won't forget about it
- Tori Kelly, "Paper Hearts"
k e n z i e
I see your picture every day and it hurts
You settle for second when I put you first
So girl pick your head up
You deserve more than you know
Believe when I tell you
You're so beautiful
You deserve love
The kind that everyone searches for
So what about us?
I'll give you my heart and so much more
Everything
I would give everything baby
'Cause right now you're driving me crazy
Tell me you wanna be with me
Oh yeah
Johnny's first song plays, and I can only sit in shock as I listen. Of course, I should have known he liked me too. But it's crazy to think that he actually does.
And he wrote these songs about...me. Thinking about it makes me miss him even more.
The next song begins to play, and I close my eyes, listening to the lyrics.
Girl I've been thinking about you all day long
I can't find the words so I wrote you this song
So anything you ever need
I'll do the most for you
I'll do the most for you
Girl I know that you've been hurting
But it don't have to stay that way
You should know that I am different
'Cause with your heart I'm not gonna play
I'm here by your side through the day and night
I still got your back when you're wrong, when you're right
It's just you and me
And it feels so right
Anything you ever need
I'll do the most for you
You just leave it up to me
I'll do the most for you
By the time the playlist begins playing Why, tears are streaming down my face. Thinking of how much he wanted to tell me how he felt, but couldn't bring himself to do it, hurts me. I know the feeling, but being the other end, of feeling like you've lost it all.
As he begins to reminisce on our memories in Last Summer, my heart aches, missing those times and knowing how hard it must have been on him too.
Remembering how she made me feel
That kind of love instantly, so real
I just wanna go back to last summer, last summer, last summer
If I could I'd never leave
I'm still burning in the heat
Of you and me and lasheatt summer, last summer
If I could I'd hit repeat
I would build a time machine
Take me back to last summer, last summer, last summer
I take a deep breath and play the last song. Johnny mentioned this in his text. "This can be how our story ends," he had said. What did he mean?
Long distance tested me
You get the worst and the best of me
Phone calls and I can't sleep
Keep tearin' at the seams
Need a break 'cause I need relief
But I miss you holdin' me
You know me best from all of the midnight talks
Don't wanna be strangers
I don't wanna lose it all
The miles between us are just gonna make it hard
You know, you know
A choked up sob escapes my lips, and I cover my face as the tears begin. It's all too accurate, too real, and it hurts. It's like he knows exactly how I feel. Somehow, he feels the exact same way.
That I can't be with you
But it hurts to let you go
You'll always have a piece of my heart
No, I can't be without you
But I have to let you go
You'll always have a piece of my heart
We gon' break up and then
We'll ssay let's try again
Maybe we're better as friends
Then I wake up at night
All alone, can't take the lights
Wish you were here by my side
I miss him too much. But I don't want him to give up. Don't let me go, Johnny, I need you.
As the song finishes, I pull my knees into my chest and put my phone down. What do I do now? Johnny just poured out his feelings for me, so what do I do with that?
Well, of course, talk to him, my brain informs me.
I take a final shaky breath and with a great deal of courage pick up my phone again. Drafting a simple text, I press send.
Now, all I can do is wait.
j o h n n y
Five steps forward, and turn around. Walk the five steps back. One, two, three, four, five. Now back the other way, one foot in front of the other.
Pacing back and forth inside my cramped hotel room is the only thing I've been doing for the past 45 minutes. I've tried sitting down, but my restlessness gets the best of me. I can't think, but I can't stop thinking at the same time.
What is she going to say? She, who has invaded my mind for the past 3 months since I've left. Kenzie. The one I've lost because of my stupid fear. Being a counselor, I should know how to fix problems like these best of all. But I didn't...I messed up.
And now, finally confronting everything I've been avoiding is the most terrifying thing in the entire world and I don't know what to do. But the main focus is that I did it. Now I just have to wait for her to say something back. Waiting is the hard part.
What do I expect Kenzie to do? I deserve to just be left with the little words Read 11:06 pm there to haunt me forever. Somehow, knowing her kindness makes me hold onto a hope of a different response.
My phone buzzes, and I jump, startled, as my whole body begins to shake.
Heart pounding in my chest, I slowly reach for my phone and turn it over.
There reads a text from the girl I've waited so long to hear from. The one I've pushed away. The one I don't deserve.
kenz 🙈
you don't have to let me go, you know.
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i'm so so humbled at how many people have read this. it's mindblowing and i love you all so much. 💞💝💓💗💖💘💕
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𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 ✰ jenzie
Fanfictionwho knew you could fall in love with your therapist? "i won't stop fighting the monsters, tryna rise above, but they pullin me under. and im tryin to keep my feet on the ground, i'll stumble but i'll never stay down. i won't stop fighting, i won't s...
