SLOW BURN

41. my fault

My dad and Clint get back a few hours later without Brad. Nobody knows where he is. Clint takes Louisa back to Portland without speaking to Josh. He won't even look at him. Josh doesn't say anything about it and I don't want to ask because we already have everything else going on around us.

After Clint and Louisa leave, Josh and I find ourselves in the living room with my father. He doesn't look angry which is a good sign I guess.

I hesitate. "Dad-" I let the sentence hang because I don't really know what to say.

"I don't know what to tell you two," my dad finally says. He's never been a man of many words. He usually doesn't talk about his feelings. He looks at me. "You're adults. I'm sure you knew what you were doing."

"Sir," Josh says stepping up. "I want you to know that I'm serious about Natalie. I care about her. I love her," he says tuning to glance at me before looking at my dad again.

My dad's expression softens at his words which makes me feel a bit relieved. "You're a good man, Josh. Nobody needs to tell me that." He places his hand on Josh's shoulder. "Just take care of my babygirl."

"Oh, Dad," I say blushing.

"Of course, sir, always," Josh says with a grin.

My dad nods then hugs me before leaving the room.

Josh turns to look at me and I smile. "Well that went well."

He nods. "I thought it would be much harder to get his blessing."

I laugh and it feels nice. So many things have happened since this afternoon. I feel emotionally drained. Josh puts his arms around me and hugs me tightly. "Let's go for a walk?" He asks and I nod in response.

We take off our shoes then we head outside to the beach. It's around eight at night so it's dark outside. There are not a lot of people which is nice. Josh and I walk in silence for a moment. I let the sound of the waves crashing against each other relax my tense shoulders. I think about what happened this afternoon. How Brad kicked open the door. How he saw us. I replay the anger and look of betrayal on his face as he called me a fucking whore. I gulp and look down at my feet.

"You alright?" Josh asks softly turning to look at me.

I nod. "Yeah."

He suddenly reaches for my hand and intertwines his fingers with mine. I look at him and he grins. "I forgot I can hold your hand now."

I smile. "You're right." I squeeze it. "Feels nice."

"Yes, it does." He agrees.

We walk in silence for a moment. It really does feel nice to hold hands and be with him without having to worry about anyone seeing us. We're free. The price was high but here we are. This is what we wanted right? To be together without hiding. I wish I didn't care so much about the price that we paid for this. I know neither of our families will forget today for some time. And then there's Brad.

"Do you think Brad is okay?" I ask quietly after a moment.

He doesn't seem bothered by my question and I like that. I'm not asking about Brad because I love him or anything. I care about him which is different. I care about him as a friend, as the brother of the man that I love.

"I think he's probably in a bar somewhere drinking," Josh says.

I nod. "Yeah. You're right. He's probably drinking."

We stop walking and sit down on the sand, facing the ocean. Josh puts his arm around me and I rest my head on his shoulder.

"He'll have to find a way to get over it," He says talking about Brad.