matty healy, falling in love over night

before it falls apart

mattys pov

1 hour later

"and here we go" i said paying the delivery man and handing grace her pizza

"thanks mate" i told the delivery man as i closed the door

"uhhhh good i'm starving" grace yelled from in front of me

"you're crazy" i told her

"you know it healy"

"let's just eat it in my room it's more comfortable there" she said leading me

we sat on her bed at opposite ends, her at the top and me at the bottom. she tuned in all the fairy lights before we began eating and i couldn't help but be in awe of her beautiful room. she felt at home here and i was glad.
the pizza was good and i could tell she really enjoyed it from the smile on her face.
she had some tomato on her face, i couldn't help but laugh, normally i was the messy eater by how the tables had turned

"what?" she asked, i shrugged my shoulders

"nooooo what?" she urged

"you're face!" , she felt around until she found the tomato, she tried to scowl but could before she burst  into laughter

"shutup healy you're there messiest ester i know"

"oi leave me alone"

"what do you wanna do now?" she asked

"a movie?" i suggested

"to the living room we go!" she yelled pulling me off the bed by my hand as we crashed into the sofa and ended up on our backs laughing

"i've missed this she said" , i barley caught it, she said it so quietly. i didn't know if this meant she was scared to say it or she was scared for me to hear it.
i wanted to tell her i missed it more than i missed anything and that being with her had made me feel the best i had in months.
i shut my mouth, i ruined so many things for her and i refused to ruin tonight.

couple hours later

i'd been at graces for hours now, i didn't want to leave. her brother kian had called her and she was just in her room on the phone. she came back in the living room to finish the call. my eyes flew round the living room seeing traces of grace everywhere, be it the amount of fairy lights or the photos of her, kian and his boyfriend smiling on beaches. she was happy.

"okay, i mean i've eaten but if you want i can put something on for you? ohh okay see you when i see you then ah love ya" she said ending the call

i smiled at her as she placed her phone on the coffee table and flopped down

"they okay?" i asked her

"they're going clubbing so god knows when they'll be back aha" , she rubbed her temples and i could tell she was stressed.

"i could stay over?" i offered knowing that staying home alone stressed her out more than she cared to let on, her eyes went wide and her perfect lips parted

"would you?"

"of course!" i told her taking her tiny hand into mine, she was cool to the touch

"you're cold" i stated

"i'll put the heating on, i just feel kinda warm" , this worried me a little but i tried to let it pass

"hey no i'll do it" i said getting up

"where is it?" i added

"behind the cooker, on the wall" she said, she was looking kind of pale now

"i'll get you a drink while i'm at it" i told her as i went into the kitchen

i looked out of the window, it was dark to say it was only 7 o'clock in summer. the sky was a nasty grey. i knew they air felt heavy earlier and now i knew why,

"i think it's gonna thunder" i called to grace in the living room

i turned my flashlight on my phone to find the heating, it was exactly where she said behind the cooker. i flicked it on and turned it up a little.
next was the water for her, i got a glass cup and some ice out of the freezer and then two water.

"here you go" i said walking back in and handing it to her, she smiled at me

"thankyou"

"i'll tidy the shit up" i told her collecting all the pizza boxes and other cups we'd used. i saw her mouth drop and i couldn't help it, i felt the same

"you're cleaning"

"shutup" i laughed at her

i took the pizza boxes to the recycling, the rain began to come down, it was cool and warm at the same time. my mind lingered in paris and i knew graces would too.
i went back into the flat and took the cups to the sink to wash them, as i did i passed grace and told her the news of the rain

"it's raining" i told her

"like paris" she said

"well i mean it rain everywhere but alright mate" i joked

"paris will always have the best rain" she said stretching her arms. i watched her face as she thought of paris. one day i'll take her back there and we will do it properly

i poured water into the sink and some soap, the sky began to rumble, i rinsed and dried everything hoping i was putting it all in the right places. next i washed down all the counter tops. who was i? i laughed to myself. this girl really did make me the best version of myself and i couldn't deny it

i went back in the living room to see her curled up on the sofa asleep.
i felt her forehead, she felt a little warm but nothing major, i went into her room and brought a blanket for her, placing it over her small frame which was growing quickly with our child inside. i looked at her a lot, she was beautiful, really beautiful.
i wanted to tell her i still loves her so many times tonight but it was never right.
what if it was never right?
i didn't know if i was alright with being friends, i was so in love with her. everything she did. the way she danced, the way she sang, how she arches her back perfectly or the way she always blushes when she giggles.
i loved her and i knew i had to tell her.
i just didn't know if she did anymore