Panic Attack

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~Continued Flashback~

November 29, Monday

Hermione sighed and watched as Pansy raced out of the room. Hermione put her hand over her eyes and groaned. She was tired, sad, and her head hurt. There was no way she could last a whole week like this. And, she didn't even feel like eating. Though this wasn't something new. Her appetite had been gone for a while. Despite being hesitant, Hermione followed Pansy. Pansy had been waiting for her outside of their room. 

"I thought you had run off," Hermione stated as she walked tiredly out of the room.

"I was going to, but I got lonely." Hermione laughed halfheartedly. She rubbed her eyes again.

"Pansy," Hermione started. Pansy tilted her head. 

"Uh, yes. Are you alright?" Hermione heard the worry in her voice. 

"I'm fine. It's just-" Hermione paused and sighed once again. "Like I said earlier, I'm tired. I don't know if I want to eat right now." Hermione hoped Pansy wouldn't pry. She just wanted some alone time for a little bit. 

"You sure? If you really don't want to go, I won't push you. But are you sure you're okay?" Pansy asked in a comforting voice. Hermione nodded and looked down at her feet. Pansy smiled warmly. 

"Alright then. I'll let you be. Just let me know if something is bothering you." Hermione nodded again and let Pansy go. Once she was out of sight, Hermione flopped down onto the common room couch. 

"Hermione." Hermione sat up quickly, startled by the loud voice. She looked around for whoever had called her. She spotted Ron. She involuntarily jumped up and backed slightly away from him. Ron either didn't notice this or ignored it. Either way, Hermione was thankful, for she couldn't take any punishment right now. 

"Ron," Hermione replied, trying to keep the fear out of her voice. Ron walked towards her. She wanted to run, but to where? Hermione immediately felt a flashback to a few nights ago. The night he had... She felt the room start to close in. No, she couldn't have an attack now. Not now. But no matter how much she tried to slow her racing heart down, to still the spinning room around her, she couldn't. She felt herself fall backwards onto the ground. She was sweating so much she thought she might drown. 

"Hermione? What the hell are you doing." Hermione could barely hear Ron. His voice sounded distant. Her chest hurt, like her heart was contracting from fear. She wanted to scream, but no sound came out. Hermione felt a slap come hard across her face. Ron probably thought she was trying to get away, but the slap just sent her into hysterics. She started crying. She wanted to rip her heart out from all of the pain in her chest. 

"No, no. Please no!" Hermione managed to mumble out. Ron was confused and angry. He didn't know if Hermione was just trying to get away, or if she was going crazy. He stepped back, figuring she would have to stop at some point. Hermione stayed on the ground in pain for what seemed like forever. Finally, her heart calmed and the room stilled around her. She was panting, so she tried to control her breathing. 

"What the fuck was that, Hermione." Ron's voice brought Hermione back to reality. She could hear the venom dripping off of his voice. She wasn't completely calm yet, but she scrambled up to her feet. 

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me!" Hermione was scared out of her mind, and the after-math of her attack only added to her fear. 

"I don't need your shit apologies, tell me what you were doing," Ron demanded, taking a menacing step towards her. Hermione didn't know what to do. She could either tell him the truth or try lying to him. Either way risked getting him angry. After all, he would probably ask what caused her panic attacks, and what would she say then? She could lie and say it was trauma from the war, but would he believe that. "Hermione," Ron demanded again, getting impatient.

"Panic attack," she blurted. "I had a panic attack." Ron furrowed his eyebrows. 

"What." He still had some anger in his voice, but most of it was covered with confusion. 

"A panic attack. It's caused from trauma. From my experience, there's usually a trigger, but it's usually random too," Hermione stuttered out. "I can't control when I get them."  Ron tilted his head, clearly still confused. 

"You said there's usually a trigger, but it's kind of still random," Ron tried to clarify. "So what was the trigger?" Hermione panicked. What would she tell him. That he caused it? He was so unpredictable, who knew what his reaction would be. 

"I think this one was kind of random," Hermione lied again. "I'm not sure what the trigger was." Ron nodded. Hermione could tell he was still confused, but he didn't ask any questions. 

"Then I'll forgive you this time since you said you can't control it, right?" Hermione nodded vigorously. 

"I promise I'll try and control it next time." Hermione knew this was impossible, but she wanted to get off of this subject. "Anyways, I'm tired so I was just going to go to bed early. Sorry we couldn't talk more." Hermione knew Ron probably saw straight through her lie, but she didn't care. She just wanted to leave. Ron, however seemed to let it go. He seemed a lot nicer today. Though the bar wasn't set very high. For Hermione, when Ron was nice, he just wouldn't hit her. Before Ron could say anything else, Hermione hurried away to her room. When she was just at the door, she looked back and managed to see Ron already leaving through the portrait hole. She sighed in relief. She was glad he had let all of her mistakes go. Who knew what he would have done if he were in a bad mood.

 

Author's Note

So sorry this was posted a little later than usual, but I still managed to get it up on Sunday which is honestly an achievement for me lol. Anyways thanks for reading. I appreciate all of you with my whole heart. Kiss Kiss!

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