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Review by Sunshine: The Start of the Black Pandas

Title: The Start of the Black Pandas

Author: Grace_Love_Writes

Summary: 4/5

I'm actually very, very excited to read this story – especially after reading this summary! I love how you've seamlessly tied in the backstory to the conflict that is about to arise, and I love the mystery and tension that you build as you describe the town as having secrets that could kill you. Your summary has everything it needs to keep the reader captivated, so well done! Your summary, in terms of its purpose, is perfect.

However, technicality wise, there are a few slips on grammar. Let's go through them:

"Two sisters Grace and Kloe were shipped away to live with their Aunt after witnessing the brutal murder of their parents."

You need commas separating the names from the rest of the sentence. Additionally, 'aunt' does not need to be capitalised, since it is not used as a proper noun. It should be:

"Two sisters, Grace and Kloe, were shipped away to live with their aunt after witnessing the brutal murder of their parents."

Next example:

Its all fun and games, just changing your grades in school, robbing stores but it all takes a drastic turn when the girls seek revenge.

The "Its" should be "it's" since it is a contraction of "it is." Also, the middle part of that sentence sounds a bit clunky because there is no clear end to the list. Maybe try:

"It's all fun and games, just changing their grades in school and robbing stores, but it all takes a drastic turn when the girls seek revenge."

And final example:

"Using the power of the gang they are more than ever determined to revenge their parents death and the only way? Well thats obvious, hunt down the killers and give them what they deserve."

I found a run-on sentence in that first sentence, since there was no comma after the word 'gang.' Additionally, "thats" is another contraction that should be "that's." Also, I think you meant 'avenge' instead of 'revenge' because 'avenge' is the verb. It should be:

"Using the power of the gang, they are more than ever determined to avenge their parents' death. And the only way? Well, that's obvious: hunt down the killers and give them what they deserve."

Anyways, those aside, I'm very excited to start reading! 

Grammar: 2/5

Okay, so you did ask me to focus on this, and I actually found quite a few things that need fixing here – so bear with me, it's going to be a bit long. I noticed that a lot of the mistakes were consistent ones, so I don't think it's really a matter of typos, but more of a matter of not knowing the rules. But that's okay! I'm here to help!

So, let's start with contractions. Basically, a contraction is when you take two words and merge them together to form one word. For example, "that is" can be contracted to "that's". When you do this, you must put an apostrophe where the missing letter(s) would be. For example:

"Thats how they were brought up."

In that example, it should be "that is" or:

"That's how they were brought up."

Another example:

"She still hadnt seen any caves."

It should be: