Chapter Sixty-Three

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Once I'd managed to calm down a little, I crawled to the sofa and lay on it, curled into a tight ball. I stared at the wall blankly. Jay freaked out because he realised he had feelings for me, but then he goes and does that? Who does that?!

I mean... He didn't do it to spite me; he didn't even know I'd be there, but... How many people had he slept with in the week that we hadn't been speaking? How many people had he held in the bed that we'd shared? The bed I'd lost my virginity in. My virginity... I took a sudden shaky breath. There was no getting that back now... He'd taken that from me, just like any resemblance of a normal life I had. He'd taken my heart and placed himself there. It may be cliche, but that was how it felt to me. 

Slowly, I uncurled. Reaching for my phone, I scrolled through the few contacts on the list. I hesitated on Jay's name before scrolling down one more to Ollie. After a moment's hesitation, I pressed it and held the phone to my ear. While it rang, I pulled the thin, ragged blanket off the back of the couch and set it over me, pulling it around tightly. 

"Hello?" Ollie said absentmindedly when he finally picked. I didn't answer for a few moments. "Hello?" he asked again. 

"Hey," I murmured, almost croakily. 

"Kaidan? Jesus, you're alive. Why haven't you answered any of our texts?" he asked accusingly. 

I felt guilty, shrinking in on myself slightly. "Sorry... I just... thought that if I pretended you didn't exist, Jay wouldn't exist either..."

His voice immediately softened. "Oh, hon... That's okay, don't worry. We know you're okay now, that's all that matters. So what's up? How come you're ringing?"

"I, uh... I ran into Jay," I said shakily. 

The image of him going down on that fucking whore was painfully present in my mind, floating behing my eyes, teasing and taunting me. Showing me everything that wasn't mine and never would be. 

"Oh?" Ollie asked, interested. "Where? Last I heard, he hadn't been home since Finn left him there."

"You haven't seen him?" I asked, letting a little curiosity seep into my voice. 

"Seen him? Kaidan, he's been ignoring us even better than you have. I haven't even heard from him. Anyway, what happened when you saw him?"

I was quiet for a moment, trying to think of a way to phrase it that wouldn't end in me breaking down all over again. "I went out. To some nightclub with my friend and, uh, he was there..."

"Performing or just there?"

"He was in the bathroom... With a girl," I whispered quietly, barely above a breath. 

The silence from Ollie had me wondering whether or not he'd heard me. 

"Sorry?!" he exclaimed suddenly, anger boiling in his voice. 

I flinched slightly, tightening my grip on the phone. "There were in a cubicle together... He was... going down on her," I said quietly, trying to take deep breaths to stop the quickly approaching sobs. 

"I'm going to kill him. I'm honestly going to fucking kill him," he seethed quietly.

There was a vague shout of 'No swearing!' from the background somewhere. I smiled a little at Ollie's little huff and his mutter of:

"Shut up, asshole."

There was silence for a moment as I waited for him to say something and he tried to decide what to say. What even was there to say? It's not like he could pat me on the head and tell me everything was okay. If that was the answer, my life would be so much easier. 

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