Hit List

thirty | swings

Elijah and I walk out the university doors after putting our essays into the lecturer's pigeon hole. Each lecturer has a little box where you have to hand in submissions, so thankfully we don't even have to go into class.

We climb into Elijah's car, because he insisted that he should drive. "You know I am totally capable of driving myself, right?" I state once we are both inside the car.

"Mhm," he muses and revs his car.

"How can you even afford this car?" I ask. He owns a dark grey, matte Nissan GT-R Nismo. It's a beautiful car, but it's more expensive than mine and I kill people for a living.

"How do you afford your Mercedes-AMG GT?" he shoots back and drives out the university parking lot.

"I kill people. What about you?"

He chuckles, then indicates and turns right before glancing at me for a second. "I'm not a waiter, I own the company that supplies food to Olives and Twists," he states.

"Wait, are you serious?"

"Yeah, they supply to other restaurant chains as well but Olives and Twists is my favorite so I go there a lot."

"How do you own the company?"

"My dad started the company but when my family left for England, he decided to retire early and give the company to me," he explains. I nod, actually surprised by this information.

I don't say anything, so he continues talking.

"It's bullshit, I'm not ready to run an entire company and I barely know what I'm doing. Luckily I have the COO, who is my dad's old friend. He handles most of the deals and reports back to me. I don't want the business, but my dad will kill me if I give it to someone else." He runs a hand through his hair and it falls back into place. "I don't get it. He left his job and now he wants me to make money for him so he can go live his luxurious life in another country. He has no clue how alone I feel that it's absolutely—" He sighs. "Let me not get into it."

I nod, not wanting to push him to talk about something he doesn't want to discuss.

After a while, we pull into the parking lot. We climb out the car and make our way into the park. It seems to be pretty much empty, except for a few kids and their parents.

There's a empty set of swings on the one end of the park, so Elijah and I make our way over to them.

Elijah sits down on one but I stay standing. "So, since I clearly know nothing about you anymore, tell me something else I don't know. Tell me what I've missed."

He chuckles and leans back slightly. "I don't know, Bree. A lot changes in four years."

"Well then tell me what has changed?"

I sit down on the swing beside his and  slowly go back and forth, waiting for him to reply.

"Why don't you go first, since I told you all about my dad's stupid company. What's changed for you?"

What has changed for me? "It's like everything has changed but it's all still the same, you know?" I say and turn to look at Elijah.

He is sitting with one leg on either side of the chain that holds the swing up, so he can face me. I get up and position myself sideways as well, leaning forward against the rusting chains.

"I know exactly what you mean. On one hand you still like the things you used to like and you still care about some things the way you used to, but on the other hand you've become a completely different person and you have no idea what you're doing anymore," Elijah explains.

"Yeah, and the thing is, I hate the person I've become. I want to be better but I don't know how. I feel so stuck." I sigh and Elijah nods in understanding.

"I'm still that girl," I say. "I'm still that girl who cried when I watched Tinkerbell. I'm still that girl that sold my bicycle for a mars bar. I'm still that stupid girl that—"

"You're still that girl I fell in love with," he whispers. He is looking down at the ground, a small smile on his face.

"I mean I would still, without a doubt, sell my soul for some chocolate," I say and laugh. "But I have done some f*cked up things. It's like there is a darkness that is spreading inside me, Elijah, and I don't know how to stop it. I can't get out."

He takes my hand and intertwines it with his. "I felt that way, too. I was lost for a really long time after my parents left with my sister. I didn't see a point in living anymore because I had nothing and nobody. Thank god I met Jamie in first year, I don't know what I would do without him. He helped me out of a really dark place."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed someone," I tell him.

"I'm sorry for ruining our friendship and leaving you. It was selfish of me," he says.

"Are you okay now?" I ask. "Is that dark place of yours gone?"

"I mean, it'll never really be gone. I could be really happy and it just comes back and weighs down on my heart. It makes me feel hurt when I have no reason to be."

I climb off my swing and Elijah moves to sit normally on his swing again. I squeeze my legs into the space on his swing and climb on top of him, pulling him into a hug.

A weird part of me wants to make him feel better and, for some reason, that makes the darkness inside me leave for just a few seconds.

•<•>•

If I'm being honest, I feel that darkness too sometimes. It's not cause I'm a killer or anything but sometimes, for no reason, I just get really scared or sad. Idk.

T w i t t e r : xPineappleGirlx
I n s t a g r a m : laylaawrites
Y o u t u b e : xThePineappleGirlx

Lots of love and jelly tots - xThePineappleGirlx