Fists

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By the time we had made it back through the gate and stabled the horses, twilight was beginning to fall.

My cadets filed past me on their way to the mess hall or their quarters, each one looking more tired and beaten down than the one before. Miller came past me and hesitated for a moment, opening her mouth slightly as if to say something, then she ducked her head and hurried onward.

Johnson followed her, bringing up the rear of the squad, and paused before me, before sticking out an awkward hand. "Thank you, Corporal." He met my gaze nervously and dropped his eyes to his feet again. "For what you did today, I mean."

I glanced down at his hand and then knocked it away from me, before saying briskly, "That's what a Corporal's supposed to do, Johnson, protect their troops at all costs. And I already told you idiots this morning that everyone had better make it back for supper. I just didn't want you to ruin that for me."

He dropped his hand to his side and without meeting my gaze again said quickly, "Yes, Corporal. Thank you, Corporal." He hurried off to follow the rest of the cadets toward the mess hall.

I sighed. Those idiots were definitely going to be the death of me.

I turned, starting to follow them toward the mess hall, when I heard Levi call out from behind me, "Oi, (L/N)."

I stopped in my tracks, but didn't turn around, silently rolling my eyes. I just wanted to eat and get some sleep. And I didn't want to be dirty anymore. Was that too much to ask?

He walked up beside me, hands in his pockets, and said in his usual, flat voice, "That was a stupid, dangerous thing you did today."

I gritted my teeth. "I didn't ask anyone to risk their lives for me after I made my decision. No one would have been hurt."
"Tch." He clicked his tongue in a disapproving sort of way and walked past me toward the mess hall. "Your squad would have been left without a commander and would have fallen into disarray. It could have hurt the whole mission."

"Screw you!" I called after him, not being able to help my outburst this time. He had pushed me too far today. And I was tired, and hungry, and covered in titan blood.

He stopped walking for a moment, his back still to me, his hands still held loosely in his pockets, and then said calmly over his shoulder, "Don't clench your fists like that, (L/N). It'll hurt your dexterity in the long run."

I glanced down and noticed that I had indeed, without thinking, been clenching my hands into tight fists at my sides to control my emotion. "What the hell? How did you...." I looked up at him, but he was already walking away from me again, toward the mess hall.

I released my hands and stretched my fingers a few times and they cracked and popped with the movement. I glanced toward the mess hall, which was lit up in the falling shadows of the evening, and decided I didn't want to face the noise and crowd tonight. I'd just go to bed instead.

I walked off toward the barracks and as I rounded the corner to the officer's quarters, I ran into Jaeger and the other two of the trio. They were leaning against the wall of the barracks, talking quietly with each other and I wondered for just a brief moment what it would be like to have friends as close as they all seemed to be.

They stopped talking as I approached, and the girl, Ackerman, glanced at me with dark eyes as I reached them and asked, "Why aren't you three with the others?"

The blonde gave me a hesitant smile and said, "We weren't hungry. And we wanted some time to just relax for a minute before bed."

I nodded at them and started to continue past as I said, "Continue on, then. Just make sure you're in the barracks by curfew."

I turned back before I had left them completely and directed my gaze at Jaeger, who met my eyes with his own angry, brilliant, green ones. "Jaeger. Good work today."

He watched me for a moment and then nodded back to me. We had never shared many words between the two of us, but I knew he understood the meaning behind my words.

I left them and entered the officer's quarters, making my way quickly and silently to my room. I locked the door behind me and stripped out of my dirty uniform. I briefly washed myself with a rag and the cool bowl of water that sat on my desk and then climbed into bed, pulling the rough, thin blanket that was military issued up and around my shoulders.

Within moments, I was asleep.

FLASHBACK

"Oi, (F/N)! Where are you? Are you in here?"

I sat with my knees pulled up to my chest, my back pressed up against the rough stone of the small cavern that was just one of many that marred the walls of the Underground. I sniffed noisily, rubbing my hand across my face to get rid of the tears that had tracked pathways down through the dirt on my cheeks.

Levi's small, dark silhouette blocked out the dim light of the entrance for a moment as he entered the cavern, and then he was on his hands and knees as he crawled toward me. He reached me and sat back on the rocky earth beside me, glancing over at me in the faintly lit cavern. "What's wrong, (F/N)?" He noticed the tear stains on my face and his lips pursed into a small, thin line. "Did your dad hurt you again?"

I nodded and buried my face in my knees, feeling tears well up in my eyes again.

He was silent for a moment and then he scooted closer to me, putting a thin arm around my shoulders as he said, "Where did he hurt you this time?"

I lifted my head and met his gaze through my tears. "He hurt my neck." I said in a quavering voice, pointing to the dark fingerprint shaped bruises that were appearing around my windpipe. I straightened out one of my legs, showing him my tattered skirt and the new, large rip that marked the fabric. "But I'm even more upset that when he held me down this time, he ripped my skirt."

A dark look came over Levi's face as he looked at the tear and then back to the bruises around my throat. "Tch. I'll kill him, (F/N). I promise. One day, when I leave here and join the Scouts, I'll be strong enough to come back and kill him. Then he'll be sorry he ever hurt you."

I clenched my fists at my sides as he talked, squeezing and releasing my fingers in agitated movement. I was terrified of what he was saying, but I was more terrified of myself, for honestly hoping he would fulfill that promise someday.

Levi squeezed my shoulders and gave me a reassuring smile, his teeth flashing white against dirty skin and the dim light of the cavern. He put his other hand over one of mine, stopping my agitated movement. "Stop worrying, (F/N). I'll protect you. I always will." He released me and started crawling toward the cavern's opening, calling over his shoulder, "Now, come on. Let's go play. And maybe if we're lucky, there'll be dinner again tonight."

FLASHBACK END

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