matty healy, falling in love over night

two are trying

"want some food?" matty asked while i was sat on the edge of my bed with baby rose over my shoulder

we were in a strange position right now, we had overcome the issues and realised we still had feelings for on another but we hadn't really spoke about it yet.

"no it's okay" i whispered back looking over my shoulder. the flat was filled with boxes because tomorrow was moving day, we went back to london. i was excited and terrified but i couldn't wait to be near my family again. it was hard being this far away

he smiled at me and then rose before shutting the door and letting it click shut, i lowered rose into her cradle before leaving my room myself.

i saw matty sat on the sofa with a big of tea and flicking through a book

"i'll take the night shift tonight so i'll stay on the sofa if that's okay?" matty said

i stretches my arms above my head before yawning

"that's fine it means i can sleep through the night ahhh"

he smiled at me one last time before setting his phone alarm for 2am, the first of many morning/night shifts.

the house felt so empty without gemma here, there was no lingering black nail polish smell, no coffee brewing 24/7 and i missed seeing her black dresses around the flat. it wasn't the same. i knew this was best for her though and she would have the time of her life exploring the world. i just didn't know what to without my bestfriend.

"i cant believe we go back to london tomorrow" i said to him

"i know, can't wait for rose to become a london girl"

"i feel she will love it" i said

"she will"

"and i'm excited for us to be back in london" he said reaching for my hand to pull me into his lap

"matty!" i squealed as i landed fully on his lap. i put my hands on either side of his face and kissed his nose

"oi"

"shutup, rose" i hissed

"we need to speak about this you know" he said and i was brought back to reality

"where do we start?" i asked

"where do you want to start?"

"i don't know" i sighed

"things are good with rose and us and i don't wanna risk messing that up"

"we won't grace"

"but if we d-"

"grace"

"yes" i sighed

"calm okay? it's going to be fine, let's just take it slow and see where we end up yeah?"

i felt like i could breathe, he really had the perfect solution, however there was still the gabby issue, he never told me why he did it and i think i needed to know now

"matty"

"yes darling?"

i'd missed it, my heart melted as soon as those words left his mouth

"i think we .. i think we"

"need to talk about gabby? i'm glad you brought her up"

"really?" i asked surprised

"yeah, i never told you why and i know me doing so will help set your mind at ease ... so ... i mean there's no nice way to say it"

"it's okay" i said holding his hand

"i'm not going anywhere this time" i told him

"okay, i'm going to tell you everything from the day we met to .. well to now. when we met you knew what happened at the pub"

"god that feels a life time ago"

"yeah, well we were still meeting up occasionally then, when we were in college we would meet up, when we didn't see each other for two months after you stopped taking your pills we saw one another everyday. when lia died and i went on tour she flew out to every show uh in-between that, when we got back together it stopped for a while, a couple weeks but she kept coming back and when you were gone i felt so alone and i didn't trust myself to be alone so .. well i accepted her company, we didn't in paris, but we did in spain and when you went home. and ever since then until i found out you left"

i let the air sit, it was heavy. i already knew all this from gemma, hearing matty say it was a blow to the chest.

"grace? you don't have to say anything but-"

"i'm not going to lie and say it's okay because i don't want us to lie anymore. it hurts, it really hurts" i said while a single tear rolled down my cheek

"baby"

"but i, thankyou for telling me"

"i'm so sorry grace"

i showed him a small smile, we could move in now i had heard it straight from his mouth. that's all i wanted all along, the eight had been lifted and now i'd heard it from him ... it's unexplainable i just wanted to kiss him.

i didn't want to be the girl who went back to her boyfriend after everything he put her through and i certainly wasn't just doing it for rose. he'd been there for me ever since i was 17, those feelings don't just leave when you close your eyes or when someone hurts you. they are still there and they hurt.

i loved matty, and i don't think i ever stopped. for a while i guess i felt angry but even anger is an emotion.

as scared as i was to tell gemma i felt she would understand, we had laid our truths out for all to see and we had spoke about it responsibly. of course there was more we needed to speak about but for now i felt at ease with the silence in the flat.

i got off mattys lap and looked back at him, he looked tired and worried. i knew that look all too well and i wasn't going to keep him on the edge, not knowing and forever wondering what was going on inside my head. i'd been in that position with him one too many times

"matty?"

"yes grace?"

"i think we will be okay now"

"you do?" he asked

i shrugged, we seemed to always find our way back to one another

"i think so"