SLOW BURN

47. for you

NATALIE

People always say that the things you want most come when you stop looking for them.

Up until a few weeks ago, I waited for Josh to show up on my doorstep. Many times, I waited by the window. I would imagine him walking on the sidewalk and knocking the door. I would open the door and ask him, "What took you so long?". In his letter, he told me not to wait but I waited. I waited because he's the man that I love. I waited because I knew some time had to pass for us to get our second chance. I believed that time would heal our families and Brad and our love. Time was the answer. So I waited. I waited until I started to feel like an idiot.

I could feel the seasons change and everyone moving on but me. I thought about what it would be like to wait for the rest of my life and I didn't like the image in my head. It wasn't fair. In the span of a year, I got my teaching license and began working as a teacher's assistant in an elementary school. I will get my opportunity to get my own class in the next school year. This past year was a really good year for my career. I finally found my passion and I pursued it. Yet, I never celebrated it because I didn't feel like going out. I just wanted to wait.

When Ezra asked me out for the first time six months ago, I told him no. My excuse then was that he was Jake's uncle who is a student of the class that I am right now. I told him it wasn't appropriate. When he asked me out for the second time two months later, I smiled because he wasn't giving up. And then I cried that night because if Ezra wasn't giving up when he didn't even know me then why did Josh give up when he loved me? When Ezra asked me out the third time, I told him I was in love with someone else. He asked, "Are you with him right now?" And I said, "No." and I felt stupid. So when he asked me out the fourth time two weeks ago, I said yes.

It was time to stop waiting. It was time to move on.

And then I open the door today and Josh is on my doorstep.

Just when I was starting to move on. Just when I had given up on the idea of him ever coming for me, he comes. I still don't know why he's even here so I shouldn't get ahead of myself but seeing him again is making me want to remember how much I loved him-how much I still care about him. But so much time has passed...

"Sorry I had to bring Jake."

I look up and meet Ezra's apologetic look across the table from me. He brought us to a nice outdoor restaurant close to the beach. It's mid September so the weather is not too cold yet. I remember thinking Ezra was handsome from the moment I met him. He has dark hair with hazel eyes and a kind smile. His nephew, Jake, looks a bit like him. Jake's mother, Ezra's sister, is a single mother so Ezra helps her out with taking care of Jake when she's working. He's usually the one to pick him up. I think I've only seen her a couple of times. Jake is six years old and a first grader in the class that I help teach. He's such a special little boy.

"Oh, I don't mind at all," I say as I smile at Jake who is coloring on the drawing the waitress gave him when we got here.

"Everything alright?" He asks picking up his fork.

I nod. "Yeah. Just a bit tired."

He studies me. "It's okay if you don't want to tell me."

I look at him. How do I tell him that the man I've been waiting for is back in my life? That he was in my house earlier when he picked me up? Ezra doesn't know much about Josh. All he knows is that I've been hurting over somebody. He doesn't know the whole story and I don't want to talk about this with Jake sitting in between us. "I'm sorry."

He smiles. "You don't have to be sorry. It's okay. That's why we're getting to know each other."

"You're too kind," I say with a smile.