just pretend

.29

short unedited chapter. sorry i've not been updating and the updates have been small, i'll make up for it in the next chapters!
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"Surprise!"

I walk through my house door with Keanu and am immediately am bombarded with people yelling and holding balloons.

"Happy eighteenth." Keanu spins me around and kisses me on the lips.

Fuck, I wanted to see Leo tonight.

"Mhm," I mutter besides mumbling a "thanks."

"You're an adult!" Keanu says. It's only like the eighth time she's brought it up today.

Ever since I realized I've lost feelings for her, I can't stand to be around her. I feel awful to think it but just everything she does seems to annoy me.

"A year today and you can buy us all drinks," Aleks says patting my shoulder. Poor guy was born in November.

I would've rather just hanging out with a group of close friends but instead, I'm here with possibly my entire grade. Whom of all are in my house. Who even let them in? Do my parents know about this? They couldn't possibly, I can see all the alcohol.

"Were you shocked?" Keanu asks. " You're awfully quiet."

"I-I was," I say, barely paying attention to her. "Do you know when this will be done?"

She looks confused. "Andrew, it's like any other party we go to, it's not like everyone has to be home by ten."

I'm going to spend the entire night praying nobody spills alcohol on anything. Oh my parents are so going to kill me. There's a reason I've never thrown a party.

I sigh. "I really would've loved to just of watched movies with you," I say. She frowns.

"Andrew, this was a lot of work to set up—"

"I know- you're right I know." I'm just so tired I can't be bothered to argue. I just have to stay for a bit and find a way out.

I make my way to find some of the other guys where I sit with them for a bit and laugh. I get bored quickly and wish I could just go cuddle up to someone and watch a movie.

School was exhausting today. I had tryouts for baseball and I had my last jumping competition of the season yesterday.

When I see Keanu next, she's already struggling to stand as she laughs with her friends and takes a drink.

I decide to leave. They're enjoying themselves but I'm not.

I walk out the front door and head to my car. I check my phone that I'd left in my car.

Leo: were u going to come over tonight?
Leo: everyone's gone
Leo: hello?
Sent half hour ago.
Andrew: yeah. sry i got held up
Leo: okay walk in

I was only supposed to go for dinner with Keanu tonight, I promised Leo I would go and hang out with him.

I drive in the dark to Leo's house. It starts to rain softly as I pull into the driveway.

As soon as I walk in the door I feel a smile grow on my face. Leo is under a blanket on the couch.

"Hey," he says softly.

I walk over to him and sit next to him on the couch.

"Happy birthday Andrew." His voice is so soft and cute. I missed him.

I also don't know what this means. I sure as hell never felt this way towards Keanu but I still cared for her. I guess I didn't realize I liked guys too.

Now I just feel awful about doing this to Keanu and Leo. I will end things with her at the vacation but I'm not sure what that means for Leo and I.

How would I even tell her? She would know what I did. She doesn't deserve that.

"You okay?"

I lean back on the couch. "Yeah. Just thinking of how bad of a human I am."

"Well," he snorts. "You aren't great but I definitely like you."

"How consoling."

He smiles. "I know. I'm pretty nice."

I take a moment just to look at him. "Oh! I got you a gift," he says hopping up happily. A grin covers his face. "I mean, I didn't buy anything because I figured Keanu would and you wouldn't care much for it but..." he grabs his sketchbook off the table in another room, "you always complain to go through my sketchbooks and I never let you so here have this one."

I get stupidly excited by this. He sits down next to me and immediately hides his face and laughs. "Yeah okay I hate when people look at my stuff."

I flip through it slowly, looking at all the drawings, mainly, of people. It's a bit later till I come across a sketch of me at the cottage and my messy hand writing in the bottom corner that says just pretend.

"Now," he says in a lower whisper voice. "If you lose that I will kill you because I love that sketch."

I smile. "I won't."

"And you know what's exciting?" I say.

"We go to Miami next week."

"Yes, we do."