Eternally yours(Sequel to 'Will you my saviour?')

Chapter 7- Lost

I almost shoot out of bed and scream in shock as I see the face lying next to me,holding my waist.

"CC?"

CC wakes up slowly,groaning and complaining. He lets go off me and studies my face ,almost as if he's checking whether I'm okay. A wave of confusion rushes through my body with no recollection of what had happened the previous night.

"Urhm,did we?" I ask clearing my throat and scratching the back of my head.

"No!No! We didn't!" CC screams. He softens and pulls me in for a hug so that I lay my head on his shoulders. "But,you did think I was Andy and wanted to cuddle so I did just that. I'm sorry Ash,but for once you were happy and I just didn't want you to lose that so I played along," CC sighs sounding disappointed with himself.

"It's fine!" I tell him calming myself down.

"I'm gonna go make breakfast," CC says getting out of bed and walking out the room.

Damn I really am losing it aren't it? I didn't expect things to become this hard for me. I thought I would be stronger than this, but clearly I was wrong. I wish I were dead instead. It would be so much easier. Right now I am not living,but just going through the motions of life wishing that he was here instead.

When I reach the kitchen I sit down at the counter and CC hands me my breakfast. Just as he sits down to eat, someone rings the doorbell. It must be him. I jump up and run to the door hoping that Andy would be on the other side,but when I open the door, Anna stands there with her bags packed.

"Ashley?"

"Oh uhm sorry,come in," I say and move out of the way so that she could make her way in. "It'll be okay Ash. You've got us," she says sweetly giving me a hug.

"Thanks. CC's in the kitchen. You can go to him if you want. I'll take your bags to the guestroom."

Anna nods and I take her bags to the guestroom. Fuck, I don't know why I thought she would be Andy. I need to pull it together. I can't continue being such a mess. I'm a father and I have Clementine to take care of. She's all I have left. If Andy doesn't want to raise her I'll do it myself. I don't need a jerk of a husband. I know that I will get help from the guys and their wives. Fuck Andy.  He's probably fucking whoever it is he has fallen in love with now and I really hate him for leaving me like this.

When I make my way downstairs I overhear CC and Anna speaking. "You know I think we need to call a meeting with the Jinxx,Alice, Jake and Inna," CC whispers to Anna obviously thinking I wouldn't hear.
"Why?" Anna questions.

I clear my throat as I enter the kitchen to take a beer bottle out of it. "Fuck you CC!" I shout and make my way out of the front door with CC and Anna running behind me.

"I'm going for a walk !Jesus don't follow me!" I shout in rage and shut the front door.

Call a meeting with the guys? Seriously? I'm not such a broken case. I hate it when people feel sorry for me! I hate it! They think I'm weak and helpless. I'll fucking show them weak and helpless. Taking the last sip of my bottle of beer,I smash the bottle on the ground , scaring kids around me. Mothers look at me in disgust as they cover their children's faces.

"I'm a father too you know?" I snap back.

I hear them shouting, but I shut them out making my way to the nearest liquor store where I will find my relief. Once I reach the store , I go to where the beers are packed and take seven packs of beer, each pack containing six cans. This earns me weird looks from others in the store.

"Ya'll are buying alcohol too. Don't come at me with your holier than thou attitude!" I shout stumbling over nothing. I struggle to get back up ,but luckily a hand reaches out to me. Once the hand helps me to my feet, I realise that it is a Bvb fan.

"Hey."

"Ashley?" The boy says surprised.

"Yeah.Want a picture?"

The boy shakes his head and gives me a disappointed look . "No, I looked up to you,but all you seem to be these days is drunk," he says and walks away.

"I'm not always drunk!" I defend. How does he even know? I'm sure this is the first time I've left the house drunk.

"Last week! My friends and I were walking down the street when we saw you stumble into a car as you left a party!"

I sigh and make my way to the till to pay for my beer. Once I have left the store, I take a can from the packet and open it . I swallow the liquid allowing it to numb me . Not my fans too. I can't lose them too. I can't lose everything. Andy will not let me lose everything. Maybe I should walk through the streets for a few hours. It will help me to refresh my mind.

After a few hours of roaming the streets I open my sixth can of beer and give a Jinxx a call.

"Ashley?"

"J-Jinxxx!" I slur. "Is And-y with yoooou?"

Jinxx remains silent for a few seconds. I can sense the confusion in his silence. "Urhm,no Ash. Andy left, remember?"

"Clementine? I asked forrrr Andy Jiiiinxxx! I mean Andy? I fuck-fucking asked for Clementine!"

"Jesus Ashley! You're drunk aren't you?"

"Jinxxxx,pl-please let me fetch Cle-Clementine! She's all I-I have left!"

"Where's CC?"

"I'm-I'm not home!"

"Jesus where are you Ashley?"

I turn off the call. I don't need Jinxx coming to get me and then fucking preaching to me. Fucking asshole. I just wanted to get Clementine home. My daughter. The one I gave birth to while Andy held my hand! My family.And now they're both gone.

After a few hours I finally reach home. I have already downed  eight cans of beer and still had some left in the packet. Stumbling to the stairs,I crawled on to it. Once I reached the front door I stood up again and opened it, but immediately fell as it opened, causing the cans  to fall out of the bottle and scatter all around. I crawled into the house. "Honey I'm home!" I shouted and kicked the front door to close it. I stumbled as I got up and regained my balance after a few tries. I held onto the wall for support as I made my way into the tv room, but once I reached it, the guys were all there with their wives and they were just staring at me, shock in their faces. Rage found its way through my veins.

"Have you all been fucking gossiping about me?"

"Ash,it's not like that!" Jake said as he got up.

"Don't come near me! I shouted .

Jake stopped dead in his tracks as he heard my words.

"Ashley?" CC asked." Are you okay buddy?" he asked getting up.

"I'm not fucking okay. You can see that! Are you fucking blind?" I shout. " You guys all need to leave right now!" I shout with tears streaming down my face.  Jinxx gets up as well . "Don't even open your mouth Jinxx!" The guys remain silent looking confused . Are they waiting for me to say something?

"What?" I ask as I feel a headache approaching. They walk towards me slowly and as soon as CC touches my shoulder I fight him off. I allow the tears to fall and fall into  CC's arms ,breaking down.

" And-Andy's g-gone! I sob. "He's gone and I can't take it!"