How To Be The Best Third Wheel

Original Edition - Tip 45: Communicate Your Thoughts

Three of us, with our equally large appetites, devour the large box of pizza. A good outcome because my mother would freak out about me wasting money on food when there's still food in the house. Nonetheless, the pizza dinner was successful.

After eating, we sit in the family room, watching some T.V.. I sit on the couch directly in front of the television, while Eliza drags James beside her on the other couch. Ignoring the two, I resume my episode of Full House, but upon a few minutes of the episode, Eliza starts talking. If you didn't think that was disrespectful, her words overlap whatever Uncle Jesse was saying.

"-so the game starts at 7, so do you wanna pick me up at 5:30?" Eliza starts saying to James. Meanwhile, Uncle Jesse and Joey are probably saying something quite comedic and I am unable to hear it.

"Sure, that'll give us a bit of time to get there and get in." he replies.

"I'm so excited. What are the odds of me winning that radio contest?"

"You're a lucky person I guess."

"You're a lucky person, I guess." I mumble to myself, mocking his tone of voice. Still, he doesn't seem to notice me.

They begin to do more "hockey talk" which honestly annoys the hell out of me. First of all, Eliza's there like a bloodsucking leech. How close does she have to position herself beside someone else's boyfriend. It's insane! Any closer and they might accidentally kiss.

Let me vomit a little in my mouth.

Whatever they're saying goes over my head entirely because I'm too busy steaming from watching them together. The way they're acting right now reminds me of how they acted when they were thirteen.

"So, guys," I interrupt, "What are your plans for Christmas?" I attempt to change the subject, but I feel like I've just increased the awkward level in the room.

"Well..." Eliza begins, and my mind tries to think of the best possible outcome.

Oh Lara, I'm going to be moving out on Christmas Eve, so you get the whole room back to yourself! Also, we're going to be moving back to the Philippines and we'll never ever come back. From then on, I'll only be able to annoy you on Skype. Better yet, I'll stop leeching on your boyfriend!

I smile at the thought.

"Lara?" Eliza calls, dragging me out of the best day dreams I've had in days.

"Huh? What were you saying?"

"Well, we're obviously spending Christmas together, silly. But, the family should do something fun. How about your folks, James?" she turns to ask him. At the same time, she twirls a piece of her long hair around her finger. How is it that whenever she starts talking to me, she finishes with James.

I don't get her.

"Well, our families usually spend Christmas together." he says, looking at me. He turns back to Eliza, "We usually do the same thing every year. We have dinner at Lara's house, she gets a good present from my mother and a fun one from me."

This is the point where he shoots me a smirk and I shoot him a glare.

"What makes you think that fake cockroaches are fun?" I tell him in a monotone voice.

"It's fun for me to see the look on your face." he replies, clearly amused by the past memory.

When I don't reply, he immediately backtracks, "But I will get you an actual good present this year, I promise. No more cockroaches, worms, or empty boxes."

"What a great boyfriend." I answer sarcastically.

He grins, "You know it, Sweetheart."

"I think we should shake things up this Christmas." Eliza pipes up. Is it just me or are all of her ideas just plain bad?