Pen to Paper [N.H.]

8.2 - Isolation - Paris

Chloe's POV

A train ride from London to Paris later, and another one after it from the city to its southern suburbs where my and my parents' house is, and I'm finally home. In the house I grew up in. On the same bed where nothing too exciting happened. I left here because I was looking for a place where life would be exciting, where nothing really stops. But now, I'm back here and actually looking forward to the calm and boredom. I wanna be able to just do nothing and enjoy it. 

Izz' POV

I get home after work, get changed and fix something quick to eat. As soon as I'm done, someone's knocking on the door. Weird who could it be? I'm meeting Cat and Lil at the pub later tonight. Did Clo change her mind and came back? I doubt it. I open the door and I feel like slamming it, but I can't do that.

'Hi Niall...' I say hesitantly.

'Hi Izz. Sorry to disturb you, but is Chloe here?'

'She's not here.'

'I know she doesn't want to see me, but I have to see her. She needs to know that I'm sorry.'

'She knows that you said it a million times already. Being sorry doesn't fix anything.'

'I just... I'm going crazy without her! I don't know what to do! I don't know how to fix this! All I know is I need her back! But I don't know how to do that! Usually, she's the one fixing things.'

'Well I guess now it's your turn to figure it out and fix it.'

This is so weird! I've been a fan of Niall for 5 years! He's always been sweet and caring, I mean he still is. But before I thought he wouldn't hurt a fly, and now he's hurting my best friend, my sister. And It's heartbreaking that I have to be this cold with him. I look at him, red swollen eyes, hoarse voice, I feel bad for him. And at the same time, I'm mad at him. It's confusing.

'Any idea where she is? When she'll be back? I think she blocked me so I can't contact her.'

'I don't know.'

'Please Izz! You gotta help me!'

'Why? Why should I help you? So things would be good again for 5 minutes before you break her heart all over again?'

'It's not gonna happen. I won't let it happen again.'

'You said that last time.'

'Yeah but last time I didn't lose her like I lost her now. Not being able to talk to her, to know where she is and if she's alright. It was a wake-up call. I know I did a mistake. Please just let me fix it.'

'I would, but she's not here anyway. So there's nothing I can do for you.'

'Okay, but when will she be back?'

'I don't know...'

'What? How can you not know?'

'She's not exactly in London.'

'What? Where did she go? Why?'

'She needed space.'

'Yeah fair enough. But you still haven't told me where she is.'

'I'm not telling you! She needs time alone. And that means time without you. So I'm not gonna tell you where she is so that you can't go to her and disturb her.'

'Okay. I understand. I'm sorry if I disturbed you or crossed any boundaries. Please take care of her. And Ummm... maybe leave my number with you, in case something bad happened? She's all alone wherever she is. I'm really worried about her. I don't like the thought of her alone.'

'She's gonna be okay, you don't need to worry. But yeah leave your number with me. Just in case.'

'Thank you, Izz! So much! Please always make sure she's okay. She's my everything. Even if she's not with me. Knowing she's okay is enough to calm me down.'

'I will.'

He gives me his number, which I save it to my phone, and then leaves looking sad. It's really sad seeing him like that. I hope things somehow work out. 

Chloe's POV

I've been here less than a day and I miss Niall a lot. It feels weird being this far from him. I wanna see him and talk to him. But what he did, I can't keep doing this. I can't keep pretending that I'm fine and run to make him feel better when I'm breaking apart from the inside. Why does he have to come before me? Why do I always put him first? I didn't come here to be alone. I came here because I knew if I stayed in London I would've tried to see him or talk to him. Even now, I'm staring at the unblock button next to his name. So instead I call Izz.

'Hey! I'm at home. Been here all day. Just resting!'

We catch each other up with our days, but then she stops and I can feel the hesitation from her.

'What? It's okay you can tell me anything!'

'I know, it's not that... it's... Umm... Niall...'

'What? Did something happen to him? Is he okay?'

'Seriously what is with you two and your pessimistic negative thoughts! Always thinking something really bad happened!'

'I don't know it's just the way you said his name.'

'Well, relax! He's fine. He just came over asking about you. I didn't tell him you're in Paris. But I did tell him that you're not in London anymore.'

'Oh okay. How did he look? Did he look fine?'

'I don't think I should tell you.'

'Izz, please! I gotta know!'

'Why? So you would soften on him again and talk to him? So that he'll do this to you again?'

'I don't know. I just need this. please.'

'Okay fine! He looked like he cried a lot. His voice was hoarse, I don't know maybe he was shouting? He looked like he didn't have any sleep. And not sure, but his knuckles might've been bruised.'

'What? Why would it be bruised? Was he in a fight or something?'

'I don't know... I didn't really ask him anything.'

'Izz, I miss him a lot! It's making me angry. I should hate him but I don't. I still love him. I'm in love with him. It's never gonna go away. I-'

'I wish I knew how to help you! This all is really confusing. I guess, take advantage of your vacation to just calm down and distance yourself from everything. You can't make a good decision when you're overwhelmed.'

'Yeah, you're right. I'll just keep busy. It's getting late, you should go to sleep! Say hi to Cat and Lil I'll text them in the morning.'

I hang up with Izz, and while I can't and shouldn't text Niall. Nothing said anything about tweeting.

'I miss you. Though I'm trying not to right now. I can't help it, I just...'

A few moments later, I get a notification that he tweeted. 

'I could write a lyric, I could write the whole song. I could sing it to you, even though I know you're not listening... Still a flicker of hope...'

It's moments like these where you ask yourself, 'How did we get here?' A lot has happened in a short amount of time. And it just makes me wonder what will happen next? Is it over? Is it going to be as eventful as the last few months? I know I'm gonna see him again, and we're going to have to talk. But am I going to be strong enough to keep my distance? I'm pretty sure I'll jump at the opportunity to make him feel better. I just can't stand seeing him upset. And if I can do anything to make him happy I will. Anything. And right now it's making me angry. I guess I should just go to sleep.