From Fat to Phat

|16| defense mechanisms

MECHANISM
/ˈmɛk(ə)nɪz(ə)m/
noun
2.
a natural or established process by which something takes place or is brought about.

My eyes grew wide and I quickly covered my body with my arms his eyes grew even wider as they slowly glance down my body like hot chocolate being slowly poured down a cup of ice cream molding each and every curve as it is.

"OMG you pervert..GET OUT OF MY FREAKING ROOM!!!"

I expected him a to laugh and tell me what exactly I was hiding oh gosh this can not be happening.

"Didn't you hear me get the hell out." I yelled.

He suddenly turns around giving his back to my body but he doesn't move I quickly grab the small blanket on my bed to cover my body.

"I-I-I....." he stutters.

"Jacob I swear I will scream if you don't get the hell out."

"Just hear me out ok."

"Why? So you can get a good look at my body and go rate me out of ten with your disgusting friends."

"What?" He was playing hard to get acting as if he didn't know what I was talking about he probably followed me upstairs. And it's no secret that him and his dimwitted friends rate girls around the school how utterly disgusting is that.

"Look I don't know what you are talking about, I thought this was this was the bathroom I swear... I know that sounds like a lie but I swear to you I really thought it was."

"I don't care get out or....."

"Or what?? Just please listen to me I don't want you walking around thinking I'm that kind of guy ok... I mean don't you think if I wanted to look at I would be right now?" he Jacob Knight really care of what I thought of him? If anything I didn't think he cared what people thought of him.

He did have a point it was very unlikely of him to be facing the door if he really wanted to look at me he would be. But he isn't maybe he got disgusted by the love handles and the stretch marks. Tears immediately start to sting the corner of my eyes, oh god he probably doesn't want to see the excess weight I still have. And he saw my arms they have always been to big and the fat on them is a daily reminder that I could never be as slim, and put together just like my mum, Summer, Deja or Ocean.

All the insecurities I could possibly ever think of suddenly rush through my mind, the ball on throat is big and hard to swallow. Maybe Brooke was right if I was once a fatty I will always been one right I mean Jacob seems to agree with her, action speak louder than words ever could and clearly he doesn't want to look at me.

"W-w-would you p-please j-just leave." I say struggle to say and the wet tears begin to roll down my cheeks.

"Are you crying? Shit... uh what did I say. did I say something wrong? Fuck..." he continues to cuss and he begins to tap his leg on the floor as if he has no idea what to do.He is about to turn his head but it's as if he remembers how awful my body is like and he quickly turns it back to the door.

"Fuck.... ok... shit I have absolutely no clue of what I might have done or said that upset you but, I didn't mean to."

"Yeah, right, just go and I will spare you the trouble of trying to tell me how I look like don't you think I fucking look in the mirror. Dammit I know how I look so please just leave."

There was silence I could feel he was debating whether or not he wanted to say anything and continued to sniffle all I just wanted for this horrific episode of my life to end and honestly I didn't have the energy to tell Jacob to piss the hell off anymore honestly its was a miracle how I was still standing.