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Review by Sunshine: Wattpad World

Title: Wattpad World

Author: puneet_sekhon

Summary: 3/5

Your summary starts with a little excerpt from the story itself, which is totally fine! However, just a note of warning: make sure that your excerpt, itself, is polished when it comes to grammar and punctuation. I'll be detailing this more in the next section, so I won't hammer on about it just yet. However, it should look something like this:

"My life isn't some kind of Wattpad story. It's a real world, and people who say that wishes come true might have struck their head with something, 'cause that is also just a myth – like happy endings in my life!" she exclaimed with a bitter laugh.

I changed the full-stop to an exclamation mark, simply because, if she's exclaiming it, it would be a lot more appropriate to use an exclamation mark. I also changed up the punctuation to prevent it from being a run-on sentence. Along with this, I changed it to 'struck their head with something', because I don't think it's possible to stick your head 'with' something.

Next, the actual summary! It withholds quite a bit of information that would normally be mentioned in a traditional summary. For example, what are the stakes? Are there any stakes? Or is she about to go to a new world and have a jolly time with no conflict whatsoever?

And, again, grammar and punctuation need work. If you have a question, make sure it ends with a question mark. Only capitalise words if they are a proper noun or at the start of a sentence. Keep tenses consistent. It should look more like this:

"Meet Lillian Frank, an average girl in her twenties, struggling to cope up with life; invisible to every eye; running away from her past. What would happen if a little magic sparked up her boring and ordinary life? What if there's a different world out there? Would this bring her the happy ending she wanted, or just throw her in a new world of chaos?" 

Grammar: 2/5

You asked me to focus on this, so bear with me a little. I'll try to be as succinct as possible, and I'll mostly talk about the bigger, overall issues that I found, as opposed to small typos.

I found a lot of basic errors throughout your writing, such questions not ending with question marks and some sentences not ending with full-stops. The biggest issue, however, that interrupted the fluency of your story was your punctuation. You had lots of instances where you put commas in places that did not need a comma. Let's look at a quick example:

"You Earthling think, we're fool."

There are a few issues in that sentence above. One is the comma – it's not necessary. If you read that aloud, you'll hear that the pause after the word 'think' doesn't actually make sense. Furthermore, since you're talking in plural terms (with the "we're"), the word "fool" should also be plural. That sentence should be:

"You Earthlings think we're fools."

Next, let's talk tense. Most of the time, you were in past tense, but there were moments where you accidentally seemed to move into present tense. Sometimes, you had two tenses in a single sentence. For example:

"I bowed my head and stifle a cry."

If we break that sentence down, you'll see that there are two tenses within in:

"I bowed my head..." [bowed = past tense]

"... and stifle a cry." [stifle = present tense]

It should be: