It All Started With a Diary

truth|part 2

Thank you guys for 120K reads! I'm sadly starting sophomore year in exactly 12 days, so I'm going to try and update as much as I can.  Enjoy! 🤍

Warning: Violent acts of abuse are discussed throughout the chapter.

"Your beauty never ever scared me." – Ghost

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Chapter 48
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At this point, my cheeks were slippery wet with tears. Hearing Kade's story only pulled at the tender strings of my heart. It was far more painful to hear then I could have ever imagined.

I never knew those things about him. I never would have thought about it. But, now, things clicked in my head. It all fit like one bizarre puzzle.

His reactions to everything, his anger, his inability to share or open up, his hurt. It all clicked.

I shoved a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "Is that...is that why you hated me when I first came here?"

His eyes raised to mine. "Yeah." He drew in a breath. "It was."

"How did you recognize me?" It was a stupid question to ask, but it was the only thing I could think of.

"You didn't look that different," he responded. "Plus, I'd heard Susie talking on the phone with your dad about the move, so it wasn't that hard to piece. "

My head bobbed. "Your brother. How long has he been..." I didn't want to finish the sentence.

"Six years," he mumbled. "That day that you and I had that fight when you came to my house...it was the day he died."

My heart fell even further at that. I focused on his sour expression. "He seems like an amazing boy."

"Seemed," Kade corrected, his jaw ticking.

My lips parted, but he added, "He's dead. And, it's my fault. Don't try and sugarcoat it."

I shook my head. "Don't say that."

"It is. I should have stayed home from therapy, I should have forced my mom to take him with us, I should have...I should have done something. I was the one who was supposed to protect him," he continued. "I failed and it cost me everything."

I couldn't believe what he was saying. I couldn't find anything that pointed back to him, in the way that he tried to believe. If anything, he'd been the one to keep Kacen alive for as long as he was.

I scooted from my spot until I reached him. I grabbed his hands in mine, and gasped when he snatched his own away.

"Hey," I whispered to him. "None of that was your fault. Your parents were the one who were supposed to protect him, not you. They were supposed to protect the both of you. You were a kid—"

"I was a kid with a fucked head," he snapped. I was so sure that the birds that once surrounded us were frightened by his tone. "I was a kid who..." I watched as he gulped, his head downturning. "Who was diagnosed with a personality disorder, and was deemed unfixable."

He shook his head. "And, these problems...they could have all been prevented. Or, at least some of them could. If I wasn't fucked in the head, if I wasn't crazy, he would still be alive. He would be here right now."

I couldn't prevent myself from gripping his chin, so that we were eye to eye. When I looked into his eyes, gone was the confidence, the fear of abandonment...it was replaced with the lack of reassurance and love all in one.